Topical Song Idea...

I've been toying with a Paul McCartney/Heather Mills song. I think I need two more verses, but I wondered what people thought of it so far:

Yesterday sung by Paul McCartney to the the tune of 'Yesterday by The Beatles'

Yesterday,
Peg leg troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though I'll have to pay,
How I wish I hadn't that lay.

Thankfully,
She's got half the legs as me,
She even cried on GMTV,
Oh, she's lost it mentally.

Why she
is worse than Yoko, and I know, I shouldn't pay
I said,
I won't pay, but she rang the CSA

Yesterday,
Shagging was a cheap game to play,
Now I need to give money away,
How I wish I had been gay.

You're not Littlejohn in disguise are you?

IMO some of it is good (Thankfully.. she's got half the legs as me) but it suffers from a lot of repetition and scanning problems. In fact even that line would read better to me as "Thankfully, she's got half as many legs as me". The odd syntax makes it read like bad poetry in places, and it still doesn't seem to fit the syllable count. A few redrafts though and I'm sure it could be brilliant, because I did laugh.

Nice idea - the chorus seems a bit short compared to the original, would have to be dragged out a bit.

I think it maybe concentrates on the money aspect a bit much at the expense of making fun of Mills as a loon. After all, Macca earns something like £11,000 a minute so isn't short of a bob or two.

Some good ideas in there Winterlight but as JW says, it doesn't scan all that well and the syllable count is a bit askew.

Check out Baumski's tips on this sort of thing. They're somewhere on the site but I can't remember where. possibly on the Newsrevue / Treason Show threads.

The main one being know and study the original that you are sending up as that's the point of reference for your audience.

We should have a topical sketch competition!
I really liked it to be honest.

Well I tightened up the syllables, although I had a lot of frustration with finding enough rhymes. 'Yesterday' is famously successful due to it's lyrical simplicity, but doesn't leave much room for inventive subversions of the words!

Yesterday,
All I wanted was a real good lay,
One that didn't ask for me to pay,
or mind my pubic hair so grey,

Woefully,
She had half as many legs as me,
Watching Heather get down on her knee,
Oh, I came rather suddenly,

Why she
would not go, I don’t know, she wouldn’t say
I said,
This is wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday,
She claimed I hit her every day
I hope she goes and gets locked away
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she
would not go, I don’t know, she wouldn’t say
I said,
This is wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday,
I took a call from the CSA,
Now from women I will hide away,
Oh I believe, I’m best off gay.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

That works much better

That is much better Ben. Really good.

Agreed the 2nd version works much better but very sorry you've lost the bit about going mental on GMTV - that was my favourite bit!

EDIT ...and the reference to Yoko too! Oh no!