Ant, Dec & Noel

NOEL EDMONDS AND ANT AND DEC ARE SITTING IN A BAR TALKING. THERE'S A LAPTOP ON THE TABLE BESIDE THEM.

ANT:
Now you're back in fashion an' that Noel man, we'd like you to be a guest on wur new series of Saturday Night Takeaway like.

DEC:
Aye, that'd be canny.

NOEL:
Saturday Night takeaway? What kind of show is it? I don't want people thinking I'd just do any old shite. That's what buggered up my career last time.

ANT TAKES OUT A DVD AND PUTS IT INTO THE LAPTOP.

ANT:
Here's a clips montage.

DEC:
Ah no man divn't be worrying about mucking up your career. Takeaway is one of the most popular shows on the telly.

ANT:
Aye, we nicked the format off...erm...

DEC (SHIFTY):
You know what Noel man? I don't think it would be your cuppa tea. Anyway we gotta go.

ANT AND DEC LEG IT DOUBLE QUICK TIME SENDING THEIR CHAIRS FLYING. THEY RUN TOWARDS THE WALL AND CRASH THROUGH IT ARRVING OUT ON THE STREET.

END:

Hi Chimes

I agree about the ending and was going to end it where you've suggested and what's more I have done now.

I know what you mean about Noel's speech but as he's not actually on air here he's being a bit more "real" and less guarded and I wanted to get the fact that it was mainly "Houseparty" that did for him last time.

Thanks for the suggestions

Bugger you're quite right. I didn't delete at the right point but have done now.

A nice sketch Blenky. Chimes has a point! Don't think i've ever heard Noel swear. Change it to "old rubbish" and it would look much better.

Hey leave me alone you bullying bastards! I'm gonna tell Aaron on you lot!!

And just to show that I'm as hard a nails and that I won't be pushed around I'm leaving Noel's speech as it is - so up your bums the whole bloody lot of you!

He's MY Noel Edmonds so you lot feck off and get your own. I'm sure that Noel isn't "on" all the time and although he's not exactly Gordon Ramsay, I'm sure that the odd bit of colourful parlance would creep in.

PS If that's okay with everybody

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 10, 2008, 11:27 AM

Of course, writers who agree with MINE are, generally speaking, sitting around swimming pools sipping exotic cocktails in tropical climes.

View original

Is that what they do when they're on strike?

I don't know what came after the "crash through the wall" bit but I imagine it was best left cut, as this ending works. I thought this was a really nice sketch with a funny ending.

As for:
NOEL:
Saturday Night takeaway? What kind of show is it? I don't want people thinking I'd just do any old shite. That's what buggered up my career last time.

being turned to:
NOEL:
Saturday Night Takeaway? What kind of show is it? I don't want people thinking I'd do ANY old rubbish.

Well... surely the whole point is that Noel doesn't talk like this on TV. That's what makes it funny. And without the reference to "that's what buggered up my career last time" the whole sketch isn't as pointed.

Ray's comment "actually I've never heard Noel swear" spectacularly fails to understand that that's what makes it funny when he does. Like the queen farting. Sort of. Compare with Extras. Just as invalid to say: "Oh, well Keith Chegwin isn't really a racist in real life, that doesn't make any sense." Pff! I'm imagining Noel delivering the original line and find it quite funny. The suggested replacement takes away without putting anything back in IMO.

Not that I want to rail against The Voice Of The Professionals.

Hi James

What you say is spot on and exactly what I had intended. I was trying to portray Noel in everyday bloke mode. If he didn't say his line as written then the sketch would be lacking something.

To be in Noel's position with a second bite at the fame-cherry is unusual in a high profile media environment so I am suggesting that he won't be so quick to embrace total shite like Houseparty and Mr f**king Blobby this time around.