Just found this from about two years ago.
Characters: Gina Bartholomew (27) mature student of fine art and addicted to shoes, Jurgen Henke (59) collector of 70s classic cars and Dr Graham Knowles (41) chiropractor and marathoner are discussing health in a doctors waiting room.
It could do with cutting back a bit but I'm posting it in original form for now.
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DOCTORS WAITING ROOM. INT. DAY.
THE WAITING ROOM IS QUIET. GINA, JURGEN AND GRAHAM ARE SAT IN SILENCE WAITING FOR THEIR APPOINTMENTS. THE RECEPTIONIST IS SAT AT THE COUNTER ON THE PHONE.
RECEPTIONIST: No, this is the enquiries line. If you want an appointment to have to call on the appointments number. (BEAT) Same number as before but it ends with three sixes and not three nines. OK, bye.
RECEPTIONIST PUTS PHONE DOWN. A DIFFERENT PHONE RINGS - RECEPTIONIST PICKS IT UP.
RECEPTIONIST: Hello surgery. (BEAT) Yes, it is me again. (BEAT) What's that? You're enquiring whether you can see a doctor? Enquiry eh? You need to dial our enquiries line - same number as before except it ends with three nines instead of three sixes.
PAUSE
RECEPTIONIST: Well, as I see it you have two options. You can make an appointment on our appointments line but I wouldn't bother as you'll have to wait until the autumn before the next one available. You'll either be better or if you're not and are sitting in a pool of blood I'd just dial the three nines and bleed all the way down to A&E. Bye.
RECEPTIONIST PUTS THE PHONE DOWN. GINA TURNS TO GRAHAM WHO IS SAT BESIDE HER.
GINA: Look at that - It's a farce. It's virtually impossible to get an appointment and when you do get in here no-one goes in and no-one goes out. I don't think doctors really exist other than on the golf course.
GRAHAM: Oh, they really do exist in surgeries.
GINA: Yeah right.
GRAHAM: Trust me, I'm a doctor.
JURGEN: You're a doctor? Why did you need an appointment if your a doctor?
GRAHAM: I'm a chiropractor. It doesn't really qualify me to cure a rumbling appendix.
JURGEN: Chiropractor?
GRAHAM: Back.
JURGEN: Sorry, I didn't mean to invade your personal space.
GRAHAM: No, I mean your back.
JURGEN: I haven't been anywhere.
GRAHAM: (IRRITATED) Alright, spine then.
JURGEN: Ahh, I see.
GINA: I've got a bad back and if you're a doctor I'll have my consultation with you.
GRAHAM: Well, er...
GINA: Oh, go on. Won't take a minute.
GINA STANDS UP AND IS SEEN IN THE MOST RIDICULOUS SET OF HIGH HEELS. SHE SWAYS AND GRAHAM AND JURGEN SIT ON THE EDGE OF THEIR SEATS READY TO CATCH HER SHOULD SHE FALL.
GRAHAM: Hmmm, the obvious diagnosis is a twisted spine brought on by a lack of sensible shoes.
THERE IS A STUNNED SILENCE
GINA: Are you saying that to cure my back problem I should wear (GULPS) sensible shoes.
GRAHAM: Yeah, nothing fancy. Lose the heels, nothing that squeezes the toes at all and nothing in lilac or with sequins.
JURGEN: Can sequins give you a bad back?
GRAHAM: Sure, if you're knocked down by a container lorry of them.
JURGEN: Thanks for the advice doctor.
GRAHAM: Don't mention it.
GINA: (IN TEARS) You can't do this to me! Shoes are an art form. They are beautiful and I love them. I'd rather die than wear sensible shoes.
GRAHAM: If you're going to totter around at that height that might be sooner than you think. Sit down, you're making me nervous up there.
JURGEN: How many pairs of shoes do you have?
GINA: 400.
GRAHAM & JURGEN: 400???
GINA: A pair for every day of the year.
JURGEN MENTALLY DOES THE MATH. GRAHAM SIGNALS TO JURGEN THAT'S SHE'S DIPPY BY TWIDDLING HIS FINGER BY HIS TEMPLE.
A DOOR OPENS AND A MAN APPEARS CARRYING A SET OF GOLF CLUBS. HE WALKS STRAIGHT THROUGH THE WAITING ROOM AND OUT THE DOOR. GRAHAM, GINA AND JURGEN LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN BEMUSEMENT.
GRAHAM: (TO JURGEN) Completely unprofessional but why are you here?
JURGEN: I am having a health check up. I collect classic cars and my insurance company are a bit unhappy at the amount of driving I do when I have a heart problem.
GINA: Sorry about that.
JURGEN: I'm addicted to them you see.
GRAHAM: How many do you have?
JURGEN: Sixty.
GRAHAM: Sixty cars?
JURGEN: Cars? No, I'm talking about my heart problem. I collect and keep them in a display case in my lounge. Apparently it's not the done thing over here.
GRAHAM AND GINA NERVOUSLY MOVE A COUPLE OF SEATS AWAY FROM JURGEN. THERE"S A BRIEF UNCOMFORTABLE PAUSE
GRAHAM: Er...Health is so important you know. If you don't have your health, what have you got?
JURGEN AND GINA LOOK AT EACH OTHER
GRAHAM: ...apart from a heart collection and a chronic shoe addiction.
THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN AND THE RECEPTIONIST PICKS IT UP.
RECEPTIONIST: Hello surgery. (BEAT) No, this is the enquiries line...
END