JUST OVER TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO IN A SMALL TAVERN SOMEWHERE NEAR JERUSALEM. THREE GUYS ARE HAVING A QUIET DRINK, WHEN ANOTHER MAN RUSHES IN.
MARK:
Listen lads I've just had this great idea for a book.
LUKE:
What's it called then.
MARK:
I was thinking (pause) 'A wind over Jerusalem'. Whatcha think?
MATTHEW:
Nah, you want something short and snappy, say like (pause) The Bible.
JOHN:
We can come up with a name later. Whats the book about?
MARK:
Well its set over a long period, but its mainly about this guy that grows up to be the king of the jews and goes round helping everyone. I was going to call him Brian.
LUKE:
Can't call him Brian. Brian's common name. My brothers called Brian, you need a foreign sounding name like Jesus.
MARK:
Okay Jesus then. But anyway this (pause) Jesus is born in poverty say somewhere like Nazareth to a virgin.
JOHN: (LAUGHING)
A virgin, in Nazareth. I was down there last week, you're more likely to find room in a inn than find a virgin down in that dump!
MATTHEW:
John's right. No virgins down in Nazareth. Don't take a wiseman to go there to find that out. Anyway it sounds quite good so far. Its like a local kid does good type story. That's always a seller.
MARK:
Anyway this (pause) Jesus goes round performing miracles. The old healing people, turning water into wine type stuff people really seem to like round here. Then he starts to get popular and gets some disciples.
LUKE:
Disciples. What like people that follow him round? Who?
MARK:
Well thirteen ordinary blokes.
LUKE:
So he's followed round by these blokes. What all the time? Sounds a bit gay if you ask me.
MATTHEW:
Yeah Lukes right, you can't have a gay hero. You'll never sell a book about shirt lifters, you need a proper bloke who goes round begatting.
MARK:
Okay what if he hangs around with the odd prostitute?
JOHN:
That's better. People like a bit of begatting. Anyway what happens to this Jesus bloke in the end.
MARK:
Well okay after he heals lots of people, and generally does lots of nice stuff, the Romans crucify him.
LUKE:
Why would the Romans do that. They normally only crucify criminals and rogues? This guy sounds like the sort of person the Romans would like. You'd probably need have some sort of big mix-up where they crucify him rather than a criminal. You know red tape sort of thing.
JOHN:
Even so you can't really kill the hero.
MATTHEW:
What about if he comes back to life and dissappears. Sort of open ended so you shroad whether he's dead or not.
LUKE:
Oh come on, comes back to life! No bugger will believe that.
MARK:
Of course they will. People are gullible, plus it's coming up to christmas and they'll buy any old rubbish. I tell you lads this is going to be bigger than loaves and fishes!
END
