Topical Song

Here's my first proper attempt at a topical song. It concerns the story that was in the news this week about the RE teacher who moved an ex pupil of his into his house. I hope it's not too harsh. I've sent it to NewsRevue and Treason.

Teenage Girls

(Set To The Tune of ‘Teenage Kicks’ by The Undertones)

Are teenage girls so hard to teach
I’d rather spank them with some beech
Another girl in my RE class
Wish she was mine, I like her arse

I wanna hold her, hold her buns so tight
Teach teenage girls right through the night

I'm gonna call her on the telephone
Get her to mine, where we’re all alone
I need excitement and she needs it bad
I’ll be the best she’s ever had

I wanna hold her, hold her buns so tight
Teach teenage girls right through the night

Are teenage girls so hard to teach
Forbidden fruit, I want her peach
Another girl in my RE class
Wish she was mine, with pubes so sparse

I wanna hold her, hold her where she’s tight
Teach teenage girls right through the night

I'm gonna call her on the telephone
Get her to mine and taste my bone
I need excitement and she needs it bad
I’ll be the best she’s ever had

I wanna hold her, hold her where she’s tight
Teach teenage girls right through the night

This is really good mate.

Well done and good luck!

NCN (No criticism needed)

Yes - it works and scans well.

Is this a fantasy by any chance?

It is quite good Ben. Good luck with it mate.

I'm rubbish at songs, so my criticism may not be worth listening to; but I think you might need some progression here. I've noticed a lot of The Treason Show/NewsRevue songs tend to tell a story as well as be funny.

So whereas each verse on its own is funny and reads well, the song doesn't go anywhere. The last few verses aren't giving any new information or moving the story on. Maybe it might be worth thinking about how the news story has developed and changing the last couple of verses?

Yes thats a good point, phil. Perhaps I could split it in to 3 parts: the initial attraction, making the move and then the parents finding out.

However, for a 1st attempt I was happy that the verses came out funny. I'd convinced myself that I couldnt even do that.

I like it. Phill is of course right about the progressing thing. Often I've found the chorus changes each time which can develop the story within the song.

Very good!

I revised the song to this, so that there's more of a story going on:

Are teenage girls so hard to teach
I’d rather spank them with some beech
Another girl in my RE class
Wish she was mine, I like her arse

I wanna hold her, hold her buns so tight
Teach teenage girls right through the night

I'm gonna call her on the telephone
Get her to mine, where we’re all alone
I need excitement and she needs it bad
I’ll be the best she’s ever had

I wanna hold her, hold her buns so tight
Teach teenage girls right through the night

Are teenage girls so hard to teach
Forbidden fruit, Now I’ve got her peach
I don’t care it’s a tabloid farce
She is mine, with pubes so sparse

I like to touch her, touch her where she’s tight
Teach teenage girls right through the night

Later on and I’m getting blown
She’s so young and I’m in her zone
I need excitement and she needs it bad
I’ll be the best she’s ever had

I like to touch her, touch her where she’s tight
Teach teenage girls right through the night

Are teenage girls so hard to teach
Damn parents, giving me a speech
I tell them, I'm a different class
Oh Jesus Christ! I love her arse!

Her dad hits me, hits me while he fights
Teach me for my passionate nights

Now I'm back and all on my own,
Sniff PE knickers all alone,
I had excitement and want her back
Playing with my old ball sack

Now I touch her, touch her through the fence
Teach teenage girls, it's no offence

ENDS

I think that's much better. Not that it was bad to start with, but this makes it a little story, it's still funny and it still scans properly.

Good stuff.

Good stuff as ever. You might want to think about changing the word 'teach' from the chorus though as it doesn't flow well into 'teenage'.

Perhaps 'want' might be a better choice.

Writing is re-writing, that's what they say, and you've shown it here. I thought the second one was a big improvement. Very good. Might be room for a couple more gags to be thrown in too.

I might try my hand at song now, you've inspired me.

Wow! I've never been the inspiration for a song before!

Ha ha ha! I wrote one a couple of weeks ago that I wasn't terribly happy with (The Branson one) but you have made me want to have another crack at it.

A great example of the system working. Good song, made much better with the rewrite.