I couldn't really think how to end this
BRITNEY SPEARS IS WAITING AT A DOCTORS
F/X:A TANNOY ANNOUNCES “MISS SPEARS PLEASE”
A GERMAN DOCTOR COMES OUT OF A DOOR AND SAY MISS SPEARS PLEASE, BRITNEY YOU ARE NEXT
BRITNEY SPEARS:
sorry Doctor, I didn’t know you were talking to me
DOCTOR:
yes that’s why I called your name so you would know I was talking to you
BRITNEY:
well I was just trying to think if I got married last night or the night before and then I wouldn’t have been Miss Spears
DOCTOR:
right and did you get married last night?
BRITNEY:
I don’t know I haven’t the papers today. Right I’m here for my psychiatric report
DOCTOR:You are aware this psychiatric report will be used in the court to decide if you are considered capable of being able to make decisions
BRITNEY:
yes
DOCTOR:
and you know what psychiatric report is?
BRITNEY:
no
DOCTOR:
well it’s very difficult to explain, so I won’t. RIGHT lets us start. When you sung the lyrics “hit me baby one more time”, did you really want to be hit by a baby or hit a baby
BRITNEY:
no, I love babies, I love my babies
DOCTOR:
good, why in the video were you dressed as a school girl?
BRITNEY:
is this really part of the test
DOCTOR:no it was just something I had always wondered about. Okay, what was your motivation for having relations with a man from Birmingham
BRITNEY:
well, he listened to me and really understood the place I was in and the pain I was feeling?
DOCTOR:
you are aware I am able to tell when you are lying by closely observing the size of your irises
BRITNEY:
okay, I liked him because his voice sounded funny, like he was singing to me (terrible brummie accent impression). All right Britenoi, shall yam have a pie for dinner.
DOCTOR:
now we are making some progress. Recently you were seen exiting a taxi with no knickers on and thus flashing your lady smile to the awaiting paparrazi, what is the meaning of this?
BRITNEY:
well I had to rush out of the house and unfortunately the washing machine was playing up the ones I had were dirty and then I forgot to put them on whilst rushing out
DOCTOR:
no no no Miss Spears, lying does you no favours, try again and this time the truth if you please
BRITNEY:
ok, I had a new single out and I wanted some publicity to push it into the top five, so I gave them a quick flash
DOCTOR:
and if you could just show me how you did it
BRITNEY:
doctor, is that really necessary?
DOCTOR:
no, right Miss Spears I have heard enough, its is clear to me that you suffering from what we call Big Syndrome
BRITNEY:
big syndrome, oh my god that sounds bad
DOCTOR:
do no worry my precious popstar, it merely means you have had some kind of accident at a fair ground and your brain was swapped with that of a child, clearly the adult lived your early years and pulled you up to the heights of celebrity and then found a way to reverse the curse, just like the film Big
BRITNEY:
really, I’ve never seen that film
DOCTOR:
never seen big, you youngsters no nothing, never Big, never seen War Games, The Goonies, sheesh
BRITNEY:
so can I have my report now please, does it say I’m going crazy, I just can’t sleep, I’m so excited I’m in too deep, Crazy but I’m in too deep, Baby thinking of you keeps me up all night
DOCTOR:
no well it’s the best you are going to get from your Dentist, I thought you booked an appointment to get your teeth checked not a psychiatric report
BRITNEY AND DOCTOR:
(laughing loudly)
BRITNEY:
ha ha (slowly stops) can I have my report then
DOCTOR:
but I’m a dentist not a doctor
BRITNEY:
yes but I’m still your patient
DOCTOR:
but….okay here you go (hands piece of rough paper)
BRITNEY:yeah Britney, Britney hit me one me time because I’m toxic baby, this will show the court I’m not psychic
