Man
(To his mate) I just met the perfect girl. She is amazing. I even love the way she dribbles & barks when she sleeps.
Mate
Urgggggggh! That will eventually annoy you.
Man
Never! I am telling you mate she is The One. She spits chewed food out on her plate, swears like a trooper & I don’t cringe. I tell you, she is AmAzInG!
Mate
Your ill mate!
Man
The other day, I took her to meet my mum & she done something I always wanted to do. She told mum to f**koff. (Dopey love sick grin on his face).
Mate
So what does this girl do for a living then?
Man
Oh she doesn’t work. She stays home with her 5 kids from 8 different men.
Mate
How can that be!
Man
Well the youngest has a possible 3 fathers, so she makes them all pay her upkeep.
Mate
Your right she is amazing. (Shakes his head)
Man
Here! I have a picture of her on my mobile. (Shows a picture of a really ugly woman) Now how cute is that.
Mate
(Horrified) Sorry Mate. Not to my taste.
Man
She takes it up the arse & gives a great blowjob. I even had a threesome with one of her horny mates. Now what was their name (Taps his chin) Ahh John, that’s it. I tell you mate, the woman is AmAzInG!
Cut to
A woman chatting to her mate.
Woman
(To her mate) I have met this amazing fella. I even love the way he slaps me when he is angry. He is AmAZiNg
Mate
What does he do for a living?
Woman
ABH,GBH, Drug running, mugging attempted murder, Oh & he was just diagnosed as PSK.
Mate
(Horrified) PSK?
Woman
Potential Serial Killer. I tell you he is AmAzIng. I love him from his tattooed head all the way down to his shackled ankles.
I just lurrrrrve the way he throws me about like rag dolly Anna when we make love.(Shows a pic of him off her mobile)
Mate
Look I have to say, I don’t understand how you can be with him. He is a (Spells out) T..H..U..G
Woman
Totally Honest, Unique Guy?
Mate
Thwarted, Human Ugly Git.
Woman
He is AmAzInG! He gave me a ring & wants me to have his babies.
Mate
Baby Hoodies.! (Shakes her head).
Cut To
The man’s mate & the womans mate are holding hands over a restaurant table.
Mans Mate
(Holding a baby)) My friend is now dating this well ugly monster. It has between 5 & 8 kids and forces him into bisexual acts of degredation.
Girls Mate
Well my friend is dating some mass criminal who beats & rapes her.(Puts the hood up on the baby)
Mans Mate
Why can’t they get into a normal relationship like us?
They both shake their heads.
Girls mate
Is it time yet?
Mans Mate
Yes it is Hunny Bunny.
Girls Mate
(Stands up) ( Goo's & Gaa's at the baby, then climbs onto a chair) Any of you f**king pricks move, & I will execute every mother f**king one of you! (Waves the gun about)
