COPPERS Page 2

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 6, 2008, 6:49 PM

It's possible they'll do it their own way no matter what you say

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Ay, strike out the words "It's possible" from the above quote and then we'll be at the truth.

The writer is the initiator, and the bedrock, but the least respected member of the production process, and everyone in the crew thinks they can write better lines and characters. In the Slaggs' case, that's particularly true ... they can. In screenplays, the writer is at an even greater disadvantage.
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Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 6, 2008, 6:49 PM

Tautology is a most useful tool when setting out a list of instructions for a task you're keen not to get cocked up.

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Then surely the place for tautology is in instruction manuals for Alzheimer sufferers, and not scripts? Or are you seriously justifying tautology within fiction?
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Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 6, 2008, 6:49 PM

They don't matter in the piece I posted but this is only a few minutes of a much longer piece. Their importance becomes clear later.

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Now, how do I know you aren't rewriting the piece to make that true eh?

I wouldn't like to be one of the actresses that play a grotesque(sp) girl!

My first post shows the tautology in your directions' explanations in both speed of action, and Dave's authority. The rest of the post looked at other problems with your explanations: for example, the image that was explained to us as funny but contained no humour within the direction.

It was your patronising of James in the below quotes that prompted my critique of your masterclass.

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 6, 2008, 3:42 PM

Okay, James - another master class in scriptwriting for you.

I should be charging you for these lessons.

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We're all in the same boat here. Wannabes that wanna learn. One day you're right, another day someone else makes an equally valid point. We're keen, we have a fire, it just dis-heartens me when a writer wants to douse it in a fellow writer. Whether joking or not, James saw it as patronising.

I've responded in a non-patronising manner, occasionally tongue-in-cheek but also demonstrating the real flaws with your explanations. As a writer, you can choose to take it on board or reject it. Yet when James defended his work (perhaps over-vigourously) he was told (by you and others) that he was too defensive and he should listen to the advice ... Do I have to finish that sentence?

As I mention in my above posts, you're excellent at spotting over-writing but not in your own work.

Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be wrong ... again.

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 6, 2008, 3:42 PM

Okay, James - another master class in scriptwriting for you.

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Quick, James, take notes!

QUICK!!

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 6, 2008, 1:15 PM

Thanks for all comments, guys and gals.

This work of art has now been removed by its author.

A classic case of now you see it . . . now you don't.

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Oh, no, you can't, it's been taken down.

Well I went back in time to read it before you deleted it and frankly Ithought it was just a waste of time.

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 6, 2008, 11:03 PM

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may?

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Dog roses perhaps.

Just because he's taken it down doesn't mean we can't still analyse it. At the risk of incurring an impromptu masterclass, I too thought that the stage directions needed a few hours in the gym, to slim down and tone up.

The 'sofa direction' that james alluded to is an obvious one, but also needing work was 'The two girls turn around and slowly walk over to Dave's side of the car and stop by his window'. How about 'Both girls come over'. Or 'Both girls reluctantly come over', if you must do the director's work for him.

The problem with stupifyingly literal and wordy stage directions is that they don't give the reader much time with your dialogue. I don't know wether that's a good thing or not with Chimes, since his dialogue sparkles like a pebble under a mountain of ash.

Chimes if you are going to delete a work that is being critiqued then could you mention you are going to delete the work at a certain point so we can get the chance to read it.

Oh no. A response of over 50 words. I can't stand it!

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 7, 2008, 7:43 AM

I think you'll find a time-traveller cannot waste time, mainly because an essential element in 'wasting' is the reduction of a finite resource.

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You seem to be an expert in this

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 7, 2008, 8:22 AM

I am indeed an expert in the wasting of precious resources.

Time, money, you name it - I've wasted them all.

Big style.

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I know the feeling.

And just think of all that timeI've wasted on BSG

Quote: Chimes of Freedom @ February 7, 2008, 8:22 AM

I am indeed an expert in the wasting of precious resources.

Time, money, opportunity, you name it - I've wasted them all.

Big style.

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Why do you delete your sketches though? Do you think they will bio-degrade?

Just a point, we are always being told (with rejected scripts) that we should 'see' action, it shouldn't all be dialogue. So if the incident is visual and there is no dialogue at a certain part of a script, how else can one 'show' what is going on without lengthy directions? I wonder what Mr bean scripts look like.
An example of a script I submitted to writersroom is below. The directions are lengthy but are intended to be shown right at the beginning of the sitcom as the titles go up, the titles to finish as the first dialogue is said. How else could it be done? But it does follow the rules of 'show' rather than 'say'
The work was rejected even though it was written in the BBC's 'safe' format and intended for 'before the watershed' slot.

................
BATTLE OF WITS
working title

EPISODE 1

ELSIE AND TOM ARE BOTH PENSIONERS.
SHE IS MID SIXTIES AND HE LATE SEVENTIES.
THEIR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS/FRIENDS
BRENDA AND JACK ARE ALSO PENSIONERS.

Sc 1 Day. TOM AND ELSIE’S HOUSE.

. DOWNSTAIRS, ELSIE
GLANCES THROUGH THE WINDOW
AND SEES THE POSTMAN
COMING UP THE DRIVE.
SHE HURRIES TO
OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE
HE KNOCKS. HE HANDS HER
A FLAT PACKET. SHE THANKS HIM,
CLOSES THE DOOR AND CHECKS
TO MAKE SURE TOM IS
NOT WATCHING.WE SEE THAT THE
PACKET IS FROM A CRUISE COMPANY.

SC 2 Same Day. NEXT DOOR AT BRENDA’S
ELSIE KNOCKS ON NEXT DOOR
AND BRENDA LETS HER IN.
WE FOLLOW THEM INTO THE LOUNGE
WHERE BRENDA POURS THEM A
CUP OF TEA. ELSIE HOLDS UP
THE PACKET FOR BRENDA TO SEE.
ELSIE
Da-dah!!!
BRENDA
Tickets?
(ELSIE NODS)
ELSIE
Have you told Jack yet Brenda?

Well i'm still none the wiser. If you don't want to tell us why then fine just make sure you say when you post stuff that it'll be deleted so we have the chance to read it. thanks

f**king pointless.