What would you really do if you were the last person on earth?
INT - BASEMENT - NIGHT
JIMMY SITS IN HIS BASEMENT. HE WEARS A LAB COAT AND THE BASEMENT IS FILLED WITH SCIENTIFIC LOOKING APPARATUS. HE IS TYPING ON HIS COMPUTER.
JIMMY (V.O.)
It has been six weeks since the virus struck. The city is deserted. Something within my genetic makeup has rendered me immune from the virus' deadly effects... although sometimes I think it might have been better if I had perished with the rest.
LARRY (O.O.V.)
(MUFFLED) Jimmy!
JIMMY (V.O.)
Instead, here I am, all alone.
LARRY (O.O.V.)
(MUFFLED) Jimmy!
THE DOOR TO THE BASEMENT CLICKS OPEN. JIMMY'S TWIN BROTHER LARRY POKES HIS HEAD ROUND THE DOOR.
JIMMY
Oh God.
LARRY
Hey, there you are.
JIMMY (V.O.)
Unfortunately my twin brother Larry also seems impervious to the virus.
JIMMY STOPS TYPING
JIMMY
What is it? I'm busy.
LARRY
What you doing down here?
JIMMY
Same thing I've been doing for the last month and half. Working tirelessly to find out why my unique genetic structure...
LARRY
Hey, hey, hey!
JIMMY
...why OUR unique genetic structure has allowed us to live. I think If I can just isolate the DNA that has combatted the virus then...
LARRY
(INTERRUPTING) Yeah, I've been pretty busy myself.
JIMMY
Have you?
LARRY
Mmm, took the dog for a walk. Popped into Marks and Spencers.... lingerie department.
JIMMY
What?
LARRY
Tried on some bras and panties, just for giggles, you know. I mean who's going to see me. Oh, it was a right laugh dancing about in front of those mirrors.
JIMMY
I'll bet.
LARRY
Until I caught the dog looking at me all confused... and that made me sad.
JIMMY
Great. Well, I'm quite busy here, Larry, so...
LARRY
Oh, and on the way back I got caught short. I was gonna look for a toilet and then I thought "What the hell". Took a big dump right in the middle of the street.
JIMMY
Dear God.
LARRY
Had to use a crisp packet for bog roll.
JIMMY
Larry, are you finished? I really don't need a blow by blow account of your descent into barbarism thank you very much. I've got important research to carry out here. The future of civilisation itself could be depending on this.
JIMMY RETURNS TO TYPING ON HIS COMPUTER
LARRY
Hey, cool. I'm just shooting the breeze, that's all.
JIMMY IGNORES HIM AND CONTINUES TO TYPE
LARRY
Not like I've got anybody else to talk to, is it?
AGAIN JIMMY IGNORES HIM
LARRY
Was gonna go for a swim later, you wanna come?
JIMMY HITS HIS KEYBOARD IN FRUSTRATION
JIMMY
Well, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get much work done so, yeah, why not. Which pool are you going to - High Street?
LARRY
God, no!
JIMMY
What's wrong with that pool? That's where I always go.
LARRY
Do you?
LARRY GIGGLES
JIMMY
What? What is it?
LARRY
Well, you know that sign that have in there - no running, no diving and no heavy petting?
JIMMY
Yes?
LARRY
One of the first things I did was go down there and do me a bit of running and diving...
JIMMY
So?
LARRY
...and heavy petting.
JIMMY
Heavy petting? On your own? But how could you? Oh, you didn't...
LARRY
Yeah. A few times.
JIMMY
Aww, you mean I've been swimming through your gunk all this time? You filthy...
LARRY
(INTERRUPTING) Oh, don't give us that! You think I don't know what you've been doing down here... wanking into jam jars?
JIMMY
Those are DNA samples I'm providing for the good of humankind!
LARRY
Jimmy, you know nothing about DNA and all that shit... you failed every science class at school.
JIMMY
But if I read all the books...
LARRY
Jimmy, forget it. It's over. It's just you and me now.
JIMMY
<Sighs> Yeah... maybe you're right.
PAUSE
LARRY
Hey, wanna come and help me paint a big cock and balls on the church roof?
JIMMY
Yeah, alright. Why not.
END
