AUNTIE’S SORRY
BBC ANNOUNCER
Good evening, I am here tonight, on behalf of your auntie Beeb, and I’m
here to say one thing on your auntie’s behalf; sorry. We at the BBC have let you
down, making the queen walk backwards, running horribly expensive phone in
quizzes, faking the results for those quizzes,
We at the BBC have let you down,
I mean isn’t an absolute tragedy, when some sub moronic chav sitting at home,
with her school twagging progeny, wastes all their child benefit on a phone in
quiz, because she thinks the only person who knows the answer to the odd one
out, between Nigella Lawson, Jamie Oliver and a hippopotamus. .
Oh boo hoo, we insulted the queen, well your majesty, the Christmas speech, your
coronation, the weddings, the funerals, we made you what you are today. Marm you
work for us. Don’t think so, with out us you and your idle, inbred progeny would
just be a bunch of jobless, German, asylum seekers. Don’t like it sod off to
ITV, or channel 4, they’ll have Gillian MacKeith go through your number twos,
before sticking you in celebrity big brother. If we want you walking forwards;
backwards, widdling in a bucket whilst singing the national anthem, you’ll do
what we tell you. Oh and by the way what have you done for us recently, we need
a wedding, divorce, or royal birth by the end of the year, we’ll settle for a
nice funeral, these things can be arranged. I’d hate for us to go Diana on your
wrinkly bottom. Oh and all you little people, don’t like it, don’t watch us, we
don’t care. Two little words,
License……fee, stop watching us, couldn’t give a monkeys, we don’t care we get
paid anyway. Doesn’t that sting all the money we took off you in our phone in
quizzes, and over priced phone ins, it’s nothing to the billions we take off you
anyway, it’s like getting mugged twice….by the police. So auntie Beeb is
dreadfully sorry, sorry there’s not a damn thing you can do about us. Right I’m
off to spend millions of your license fee money, on buying rights to the next
Eurovision song contest, ta taa.
A humongous monologue I had produced some where, am looking to get feedback on old succesful skits to see if I can relearn the lessons.