Lets laugh at religion

I'm so bored I think I going to kill myself. As i'm cold I want to guarentee that i'll go to hell so have a butchers at these short bursts of blasphomey.

Jesus and Peter

Jesus:
So i've been thinking about this whole religion business

Peter:
And

Jesus:
Do you think in 2 thousand years it'll be misinterpreted?

Peter:
Two tousand years!?! Its being mis-interpreted now

CUT TO A LOAD OF RICH MEN POKING CAMELS WITH NEEDLES

Moga/Yuslim

Man:
Welcome to the 1 day Muslim conversion course

Woman posh:
What the f**k. I thought this was yoga

Peas be upon him

TV Advert:
You all seen and visited the three most holy sites in Islam. Mecca, where the Profit, peace be upon him was born. Medina where the Profit, peace be upon him, was exiled and the Dome of the Rock in Jeruseleum where the Profit, peace be upon him ascended into heaven. Now visit Islam's 453rd most Holiest site, the Oxford Services just off the M40 where the Profit may or may not have spent £7 on a sandwich.

Cruising

Operah:
I'm so happy to welcome a massive star to the show. joining me to discuss scientology is Tom Cruise.

Tom:
Thank you Operah.

Operah:
So Tom why Scientology

Tom Cruise:
Well when everyone thinks of Scientology they immediately think Aliens right?

Operah:
Amongst other things

Tom Cruise:
But I think people have to see past that. The bigger picture. Anal probing

Operah:
Anal probing

Tom Cruise:
Yeah its all about the anal Operah. And can i just say before we go. Audience look under your seats...

AUDIENCE PULL OUT SMALL BOXES FROM UNDERNEATH THEIR SEATS

Tom Cruise:
... You all have free memberships to the church of scientology. Lock the doors.

BURLY MEN SHUT ALL THE EXITS. TOM CRUISE LOOKS AT A YOUNG MALE IN THE AUDIENCE

Tom Cruise:
So what level do you want to go to?

I like the last two the best. Good stuff.

i like the 1st one, the others are a bit predictable, and telegraph too much

also with tom, atleast give the poor deluded nut job a slightly subtle twist, i suspect he would have joined scientology not to probe others, but out of a preference for being probed himself

AJP jokes make me smile.

AJP does it for me every time.

Was the spelling of Profit deliberately to avoid a visit? I'd have maybe cut out one of the three straight examples of the Profit's life to get to the end faster. maybe.

Very good AJP

Nice one Adam.

Thank you all. Er the spelling was down to drunkiness and my paranoia of spellcheck. The paperclip is trying to kill me

I don't have the paperclip, I changed him to the peado wizard, he's much nicer, when he's sober.