Letting it spill out...I'll be alright in a bit..

I had a dream, y'see.

I love writing and when I write I feel I'm set free somehow. Thing is I don't feel driven to 'start'. If I get a seed of an idea I will think about it in my head for a bit and maybe make a note or two but I don't always begin the process. The physical, real creative process of real writing.

Why is that? If I enjoy it so much why I am spending so much time on trivial pursuits and Trivial Pursuit. Where is the intrinsic value in my life if I don't have the passion to do what I thought was my passion. It's a loveless relationship if it's not a two way thing.

Where to go, what to do.

The thought of life passing me by. The time wasted on just idly surfing. Surfing the net, surfing life and just going with the flow. Wake up, go to work, go home, watch TV and go to bed all wrapped up in an Internet addiction that does not serve me and serves no purpose.

I'm not a maudlin character by nature but every now and then I wonder about the point of all. I'm in an excellent job that many would give their right arm for. It pays well above the average for the area and yet it's still not enough. We sold the house to pay off our debts last month and yet it's still not enough.

Nothing is ever enough.

I have a dream, y'see. I need a little peace - not in quiet sense but in a feeling of relief and release. I'm moving from one struggle to another and yet the grip of not being able to escape from my job. It's just too nice. It's relaxed in a way that stifles.

I should be delighted, thrilled to do something I enjoy but I couldn't be less so.

I have to earn a certain amount to pay the bills but pursuing the dream cannot match it straight from the gun. We have no home of our own. I've let my family down and myself down. I have to get back what I once was.

Where do I go, what do I do?

Slowly but surely I am inflicting decomposition on myself. Regular sleep is but a distant memory, fitness, which once gave me the joy of four Marathons is ebbing away.

I have another dream. It's the truth. It's there before but if I want it - I mean, REALLY want it I have to reach out for it.

It doesn't matter what's gone before, I cannot change it. Life begins now, this moment. I must not waste it.

Starting is my big problem too.
When I've got going, into 'the zone' as it were, I don't want anything or anyone to disturb me and sometimes I don't go to bed till some stupid hour in the morning because I don't want to stop.

But when it comes to getting started, it's like fighting a small war.
Suddenly I don't feel comfortable writing while the house is such a mess, or I can't do anything while the cat so desperately needs brushing. Or my favourite at the minute - I'll just see if there are any new messages on the forum first - shouldn't take me long!!!
Beginning is so so hard, I wish I could find a way to get over this hurdle I would get so much more done.

That's why it helps to write for a specific project rather than just write to fill up pages. A novel is a good project. Writing for a team is a good project, too.

Hint f**ken hint!

I can't be bothered to read those extremely long posts, so I shall just say this:
"You started it!"
"We did not start it!"
"Yes you did, you invaded Poland."

Writing's like sawing. It's hard to start off because the saw keeps slipping off the wood and cutting you. But then when you're in, it's pretty easy and flowing. You've just got to persivere with the start to get to that stage. I usually have to (well, I say usually, but the amount of ideas I've abandoned - I've been writing since I was 9 - not that I was any good then

... ) force myself to start (WRITE! OR I'LL HAVE TO BAN... ME FROM... INTERNET... NO! PLEASE NO! *writes* ) writing. Then it's okay. Until I realise t's rubbish. Then I just give up for ages.

Woah, that was longer than I intended...

I was only going to do the saw bit...

Quote: Aaron @ February 1, 2008, 12:27 AM

I can't be bothered to read those extremely long posts, so I shall just say this:
"You started it!"
"We did not start it!"
"Yes you did, you invaded Poland."

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I agree Aaron. 2 lines is about my limit. Pictures might help though.