The Lads did good

This is a sketch trying to focus on the nonsense spoken by football managers, players and interviewers etc.

John Statson is the interview in John Motson style
Juan Albertinez is the Spanish manager
Jonny Butcher - classic footballer, with some nonsense logic and cliche at the ready

JOHN STATSON:Here we have the victories manager Juan (jew one) AlbertineZED. Great performance do you take any credit for that
JUAN ALBERTINEZ:yes, all of it, 100 percent
JS:erm, well maybe not all of it, I mean the players did play well, you didn’t kick it in the net did you
JA:well of course I was kicking the ball, I am the manager, we kick the ball with our heads before the match, when the whistle toots we are then eyes, brains and mouths but we have no feet
JS:indeed, did anyone get special praise from you after the match
JAh well all the boys played well, like a team but still individual, like a team of individuals
JS:what about young Jimmy Gerrard, its amazing to think he is only 18 years of age
JA:he is a good boy with a future, today he play like a man. He is improving every minute he runs on the pitch. Sometimes young players are like banana’s they look good from the outside but when you peel them you find they are bruised and squashed, not Gerrard he is all banana
JS:where you nervous coming into the match today, was it a must win match
JA:no match is must win, football is a important but the world is more important it won’t stop spinning for football, world war 3 would be important than this football match today non
JS:err wise words indeed. Do you feel you have not only won the battle today but are winning the war
JA:well the team is firing with all our guns and our big guns are killing team’s defences. Now we have one big push and hopefully we end the war by making the others teams surrender and choose peace.
JS:well thank you Juan, now a few words with the team captain Jonny Butcher. It was a tough game but you came out on top.
JONNY BUTCHER:it was the toughest match we had this season, apart from the week before which was the toughest and next weeks match is going to be even tougher. The lads did well in tough conditions, against a tough opposition and a tough crowd but luckily when the going gets tough we get tougher.
JS:you won 2-1 but did you think you were going to win it when you were 1-0 down
JB:well its tough when you are 1-0 down and we thought it might be a repeat of last years match here but you never know what is going to happen in football until you get to the final whistle and then you know what’s happened and the rest is history.
JS:what did you think of the young mans performance today
JB:well young lads today are amazing its like they haven’t been taught the word fear and if they had been taught it they would replace it with the opposite of fear, unfear. He has the world as his oyster and I think he can set the world alite with his feet
JS:there seems to be great team spirit the way you keep coming back from behind
JB:well the lads here are amazing, the young lads coming in have done a great job and the experience lads are helping the younger lads and the lads coming off the bench are making an impact, I couldn’t ask to play with a better bunch of lads.
JS:what did you think about the penalty against you today.
JB:That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong. There was no doubt he dived and it wasn’t a pen, I couldn’t see from where I was so I’m not sure and won’t comment on it but the lads say it definitely wasn’t a penalty and I agree with them.
JSkay thanks a lot and back to the studio.

You need more "at the end of the day" and "get the 3 points (under our belts" from the skipper.

I do a lot of sketches parodying footballers, and there is a lot of potential in the idea, but for me, it didn't quite work as well as I think you could make it. There's more you could do with the interviewer, if you aim for more Garth Crooks, or David Pleat (I think thats what you did with the Jew one albertinzed).

I think this is probably a first draft from you (?) and for that it is fine, so you need to tighten it up a bit.

"well its tough when you are 1-0 down and we thought it might be a repeat of last years match here but you never know what is going to happen in football until you get to the final whistle and then you know what’s happened and the rest is history."

I thought that was a good line.

But like I say, you've got a wide range of material you can bash into with this topic, and I think if you go through it and polish it up a bit, you'll see more jokes/observations open up to you.

The problem as I see it is that football managers have started parodying themselves, so you are essentially parodying a parody. Take Ian Holloway - he delights in coming out with plays on words and clever (some would say scripted) answers to questions.

Also, the manager just seemed to be basically Mourinho - it was a good copy, but is simply copying someone's style enough to be funny?

I did think it was well written and paced and I smiled in a couple of places. However, it's well-trodden ground; let's not forget the Fast Show did a whole series of football sketches including ones with foreign players and managers.

Quote: Barbs @ January 28, 2008, 3:21 PM

Also, the manager just seemed to be basically Mourinho - it was a good copy, but is simply copying someone's style enough to be funny?

View original

Except Mourinho is Portugese...a clever twist ya see. I was thinking more Benitez exaggerated, but that's only because of the Spanish introduction to the character.

Thanks for reading it and giving me your feedback.

you are both right really it is a mixture of Benitez and Mourinho. I enjoy the odd analogies foreign managers come up with and how they don't give the boring standard answers the English managers come up with (Holloway aside).

I think with a bit of practise the mixture of foreign manager unusual English and team captain mixing his metaphors would make a amusing sketch.

I quite liked this sketch and as others have said it's a fairly rich seam to mine.

One gripe though:

I nearly didn't stick with it because of the formatting. I would suggest lines between each speech. Makes it easier for old duffers like me to read

It was a sketch of two halves, not bad at all

Indeed the formatting sucks which is a mixture of laziness and stupidness.

I copied from word which is lovely and spaced out using the BBC template thing. When it was copied in, it lost all the formatting.

next time I will space it out manually unless anyone knows an easier way.

sketch of two halves, nice pun, back of the net

Err Quite extraordinary there. Sorry I only know how to do it long hand and slowly too. We need to speak to Aaron or Mark about techy fings