I put this in to Newsrevue and within about five seconds of me punching 'send' the bitch went and did it didn't she! Enjoy the punchline.
Amy Whiney Winehouse
By
Ross Salvage
Actor playing Winehouse should play her as Kevin the Teenager [Harry Enfield]. A bottle of Scotch should be secreted by mum.
Scene: Amy Winehouse is sat at the dinner table with her mum and dad.
Mum: Amy, shouldn’t you get going?
Amy: Errrrrrraghhhhh!
Mum: Your concert starts in an hour.
Amy: Errrrrrrraghhhhh!
Dad: Amy, listen to your mother!
Amy: Errrraghhh! It’s not fair!
Dad: Look, people have paid good money to see you.
Amy: Don’t care! [flicks v’s at parents]
Mum: If your not going to play at your concert then go and tidy your room.
Amy: Shan’t.
Dad: Amy go and tidy your room now!
Amy: Can’t make me. My friends don’t tidy their rooms. YOUR TORTURING ME!
Mum: I will tidy your room if, and only if, you go and play at your little concerty thing.
Amy: DO IT BITCH!
Dad: Don’t you dare talk to your mother like that!
[Amy pulls out mobile phone and puts in number]
Amy: Hellooo, Childline? THEY’RE TORTURING ME!!
[Dad takes phone away]
Dad: GO TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW!
[She doesn’t move]
Mum: Right dad, it’ll have to be plan B I’m afraid.
Dad: Not again!
[Mum reaches below table and brings up a bottle of Scotch and holds it in front of Amy]
Mum: Come on Amy, drinky poos.
[Amy follows mother off stage trying to grab bottle]
Amy: Biiiiiiiiiitch!
Dad: Thank God she didn’t go to rehab.
