Scene 1 from the point of view of a camera
Gets off of bus, looks at letter says “Termination of employment,” underneath it is a P45.
He pulls out a second envelope marked suicide note.
Camera pans to see a public toilet sign.
Hurries towards it, in the doorway of the toilet is an stuffed Alsation on wheels. Next to the toilet is a large cardboard box.
It is wearing a yellow scarf, pink star shaped sunglasses, and has generally been dressed up as Frankie Goes to Hollywood alla 1983.
The camera leans forward to move it.
ColonelAh ha gotcha you deviant!
Camera turns to colonel he is wearing a blazer, and emerging from the cardboard where he was hiding etc, but also has a balaclava and a pait of binoculars.
ColonelWell done Saxon, another abuser of public facilities brought to justice.
Camerastarts to back up.
ColonelStop right there, you just tried to solicit immoral pleasures, from a dog in a public place, that’s two felonies right away, and, and! Saxon is only 12, so you’re a paedophile to boot.
Colonel waves his fist.
ColonelIt’s people like you filling our public facilities, with your, your filthiness, so decent people don’t dare do their business in them, and our cities start to sink beneath a vicious yellow tide of widdle. And what next? Well once widdles ok, I’ll tell you what’s next jobbies that’s what, the human bowel movement, the most foul thing in all the world. Soon the Queen won’t be able to stroll down the Mall, for fear of standing in some person’s foul leavings.
He is now waving his fist.
ColonelAnd why, why? Because you degenerates, insist on using the good, honest English lavatory, as a palace of sin. How would you feel if I came to one of your bath houses, and poohed it? No you wouldn’t like it, not one bit. In Burma we shot any one who poohed in public, as there were no toilets, the massacre was terrible. Thousands and thousands killed to maintain decency, and public hygiene. I still remember one monsoon, the local primary school served corned beef hash, why didn’t they read the labels first, why oh God why, didn’t they see it was past it’s best by date.
Starts to cry,
ColonelOh the humanity, they all got the runs. We had to kill them, kill them all I tell you, kill them, and burn the school to the grounds. To me the smell of poo, will always be the smell of death, the smell of a thousand tiny voices screaming for mercy, mercy I could never deliver.
ColonelHugs Saxon,
ColonelOh Saxon now you know why I have to do this, dress you up as a cheap Balinese Lady Boy, and use you to lure them. Where there is abuse of the public lavatory there is anarchy, and death. You know Saxon, with that lip stick you’re really quite beautiful.
Colonel stares at camera.
ColonelWhat are you staring at you pervert, can’t you see we’re having a moment, get lost!
