Women - they're never happy!

INT. STAFF ROOM. DAY

FX: SOUND OF CRISPS BEING EATEN, MAGAZINE PAGES BEING TURNED, RADIO 2 IS PLAYING QUIETLY IN THE BACKGROUND

VANESSA: Nina?

NINA: Hmmm?

VANESSA: I’ve been meaning to tell you just how much I love your hair.

NINA: Really?

VANESSA: Yeah, I think it’s gorgeous. All those curls - It just looks so much better than mine.

NINA: Can't bear it myself - I have a hell of a job to get it to sit right in the morning.

VANESSA: Oh?

NINA: In fact, to be honest I'd rather have a style like yours. A bit of a wave. It would be really nice to be blonde for a change but it wouldn't work with my hair colouring.

VANESSA: Why don't we do a swap then?

NINA: Eh?

VANESSA: If we're not happy with what we've got we should do a trade.

NINA: You want us to...‘trade hair’?

VANESSA: Hey, why stop with the hair? Is there anything else of mine you like the look of?

NINA: (SUDDENLY INTERESTED) Right, let me think. (BEAT) OK, if I’m having your hair I’ll need your blue eyes to go with it. .

VANESSA: Fair enough. (BEAT) In that case, I’d like to make an offer on your knees.

NINA: Ooo! Kinky!

VANESSA: Ha Ha! Actually, I rather like the look of your legs generally - I think they'd really suit me.

NINA: What? These old things? They're no better than yours.

VANESSA: Can I have your nose as well?

NINA: Only if I can have your bum.

VANESSA: Your neck for my waist?

NINA: Done!

VANESSA: …and I'll swap my boobs for your ankles plus I'll throw in a couple of elbows too...

NINA: Hang on, hang on wouldn't that all look a bit odd?

VANESSA: True. It would be hell getting a bra to fit...

NINA: ...and imagine what it would be like if you had a bum for a nose and then you caught a cold!

NINA & VANESSA: Euurrgghh!

THERE IS A SLIGHT PAUSE

VANESSA: (SAD) It seems neither us like what we've been born with.

NINA: No.

VANESSA: I actually think that's rather sad.

NINA: It is.

VANESSA: I want to be you and you want to me.

NINA: So it seems.

THERE IS ANOTHER PAUSE

VANESSA: I think it would be a lot easier if we just swapped seats.

END

I hate to sound like I'm quoting Vanessa (or Ellie ), but it actually does make kind of a sad statement.
Loved the 'bum, nose, cold' bit

I liked it. I reckon it is a girlie sketch. By that I mean more for us girls. It is true we are never happy with the way we look. You could always up the anti by adding some spice though. Women are generaly only nice to other women when they are no threat. There is always an underlying jealous streak.

Quote: Charley @ January 25, 2008, 11:19 PM

I liked it. I reckon it is a girlie sketch. By that I mean more for us girls. It is true we are never happy with the way we look.

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I'm not surprised.

There's definitely something there but for me it needs some nastiness. Women can be beautiful, sensitive creatures but when it comes to their appearance and others, they are rancid evil harpies, spitting forth their poisonous bitch-bile as their acid tongues unleash Hell upon their victims.

It's nice and I can imagine it being performed on radio or TV if you make one very small change.

The ending is worded wrongly and the whole sketch would be improved a million per cent if you change:

VANESSA: I think it would be a lot easier if we just swapped seats.

to:

VANESSA: Couldn't we just swap seats?

its nice but to chatty, it needs a good dose of darkness,

perhaps ones having a jolly laugh, and the other isn't, and has a large pair of pliers in her bag, and if she can't swop she's going to take it anyway?

or even you can have my hair, and my eye colour, all i need is one working kidney

I liked it too. Maybe it's a bit too long? Also, you could intersperse it with other characters coming in and some movement in the plot but then keep coming back to it.

I think that Chimes is right about the last line but maybe the dialogue could go somewhere else? Not sure. Nicely written anyway!