Comedy Drama Script - Scenes 1-3 Page 3

Really enjoyed it. Have you finished the whole script? I'd be very confident sending that to a prod comp or producer.

Quote: Gavin @ January 11 2009, 5:47 PM GMT

Really enjoyed it. Have you finished the whole script? I'd be very confident sending that to a prod comp or producer.

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Hi Gavin

Yeah, I finished it some years ago and it was reasonably well received in a few quarters. Having lived with it now for ten-ish years I can visualise it very clearly and to me it's become almost like a book I've read somewhere or a film/programme that I've seen.

I can see all its faults too and I often think that were I sit down and re-do it again then it would only take a month or so to iron them out. It's just making myself do that.

However it does have one MAJOR fault as I see it for the potential commissioner and although it's never been raised, other than in my own head, there are none of the fairer sex as protagonists or indeed as bit-parters either.

It's too bloody blokey and I think that that might be its undoing. I have tinkered in the past with crow-barring a few females into it but the plot lost its pace and feel and worse still, and perhaps again in my mind, the women had been put in in a very tokenistic way.

I went on then to do a completely new project( https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/11140 ) and as a counter to this story I made nearly all the main protagonists in the new one female and that one to me as a potential piece of drama seemed more rounded.

It's the heavily blokey thing that has made me not actively punt it around I suppose. I'm perhaps judging it myself and predicting the ultimate outcome which isn't a good thing to do. I have never really hit it hard but I just might now.

Looks pretty damn good to me. Initially I thought it might need to move a bit faster, but the pacing actually works really well. Characterisation is obviously the strong point of the bit I've read and everything flows nicely from that. I'd love to read more when you're ready.

Thanks Ponderer. Pleased you like it.

Really enjoyed this, sucked in without realising.

Could read on and on.

I want to know more!

Quote: Blenkinsop @ January 12 2009, 2:36 PM GMT

It's too bloody blokey and I think that that might be its undoing. I have tinkered in the past with crow-barring a few females into it but the plot lost its pace and feel and worse still, and perhaps again in my mind, the women had been put in in a very tokenistic way.

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Have you considered just making one or more of the male characters female without substantially rewriting the part?

Thanks Random

Hi Timbo. I hadn't considered this but you've got me thinking now

Ta

B