Here's my failed entry to the 'dumbFunded' competition. Let me know what you think.
Dan
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BIG CITY MYTHS
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DOROTHY IS PROMOTING A BOOK OF HER EXPLOITS IN ONE OF OZ’S MORE RURAL TOWNS.
DOROTHY:
Hi, I'm Dorothy. (SMALL, ARROGANT LAUGH) You may have heard of me already. I'm here to talk about my new book 'Yellow Brick Road to Ruin', explaining my original visit to Oz and my subsequent return after spiralling into a drink and drugs denial back home after the adventure had ended.
AUDIENCE MEMBER 1:
Dorothy! Tell us what the Emerald City is like! We've only heard rumours.
AUDIENCE MEMBER 2:
Yes, do tell!
AUDIENCE MEMBER 3:
Is it true they have... (GULPS)... a stock market!
ALL THE AUDIENCE GASP AT SUCH A NOTION
DOROTHY:
(SIGHS) No, that's a ridiculous myth. Now back to my boo...
AUDIENCE MEMBER 1:
Shares!
AUDIENCE MEMBER 2:
A capitalist market!
AUDIENCE MEMBER 3:
An index of the top 100 companies!
THEY BOUNCE EXCITEDLY AS DOROTHY TAKES A DEEP BREATH
DOROTHY:
Just think about it for a moment; splitting a company into millions of little bits and selling them individually? How preposterous a concept is that?
AUDIENCE MEMBER 2:
We also heard they have... gourmet food!
AUDIENCE GASP AGAIN. AUDIENCE MEMBER 1 CLAPS EXCITEDLY.
DOROTHY:
Food? As art? It's a nonsense. Even if someone were to try it, do you think anybody would actually go and pay to eat it?
AUDIENCE MEMBER 1:
We heard their Premiership footballers make hundreds of thousands of pounds a *week*!
DOROTHY:
This is getting a little ridiculous now. You have got to stop believing these emeraldnet rumours. Miniature ovens that cook things in seconds? Angry chefs dispensing advice through the medium of swearing? Jade Goody?! These things are too ludicrous to exist! Use your common sense – it's all make-believe.
THE AUDIENCE ARE VISIBLY DISAPPOINTED.
AUDIENCE MEMBER 3:
(CURTLY) So what have you seen?
DOROTHY ROMANTICALLY REMINISCES WHILST WAVING HER BOOK IN ONE HAND.
DOROTHY:
I've seen a man made from tin! Flying monkeys! And a great *wizard* who can make *any* wish come true!
THE AUDIENCE MEMBERS ARE LEANING BORED ON ONE FIST
AUDIENCE MEMBER 1:
Boring...
AUDIENCE MEMBER 2:
Dull...
AUDIENCE MEMBER 3:
(MIMES A LARGE YAWN) Seen it all before...
DOROTHY TAPS THE COVER OF HER BOOK
DOROTHY:
Don't you give me that! I landed my house on a witch, you know!
END