I thought I would post a sketch I'm a bit unsure with. I think there's the germ of a good idea, but maybe it's a bit long? Anyway, I should stop critiquing myself...
EDIT: Sorry - it's quite long
Scene: The Late Night Love Show, hosted by Len Goldman – Sunday nights between 10pm and 2am. Len is a softly spoken man in his 50s.
(In background, the last few seconds of Hero by Mariah Carey are fading out)
Len: And that was Hero, by Mariah Carey. That was for Dave from Angie.
Dave, Angie says you'll always be her hero. You took her when she was at her lowest ebb – full of shame and on the game - and lifted her up. Angie says that you taught her to be all that she could be.
What a nice story. Dave you've got a good woman there, don't let her go.
(Cheesy, generic romantic music starts up in background)
Len: Still to come we've got Len's love hearts, sponsored by Terry's All Gold. If you know someone who deserves a love heart let me know. Maybe it's a babysitter who didn't complain when you were 30 minutes late, maybe it's your dad for giving you a lift, or maybe for something a bit bigger – perhaps your friend donated you a kidney.
Whatever the reason, let them know you're grateful by emailing us their name and why they should get a love heart and they might just be lucky enough to get a dedication and a jumbo size box of Terry's delicious All Gold.
Also, we've got lots of great music still to come. Jon wants Belfast Child for his 15 year old Irish girlfriend Siobhan. Bob, how are you doing Bob? Bob wants Lady in Red for his gorgeous wife Emma – that's Bob saying that she's gorgeous, not me, though I'm of course sure that she's a stunner Bob.
Finally, Anna wants to say hi to her boyfriend Danny and wants us to play some Westlife – well, this is love hour Anna so there's a fair chance you'll be satisfied. We like to satisfy all the ladies in love hour.
Next though it's a message from Steve.
(Romantic music comes to foreground a bit)
Steve says Emma, when he met you three years ago it was the best moment of his life. You were his angel, a vision of beauty who taught him how to love. Within a year you were married and six months later you had little Stacey. You had holidays to Italy and Spain, ate at the finest restaurants and made love whenever you could. Life was amazing, or so Steve thought. But then he discovered a cancer – a cancer that threatened everything.
(Music changes to more doleful tones)
Steve tried to be brave and fight this cancer, but it had taken too great a hold. This was a cancer that rarely has a cure, this cancer was Chris, the man Emma was having an affair with.
[Len with calming voice]
Emma, Steve knew that you were having an affair, but he tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away.
And perhaps he was kidding himself, for there is no fool like a fool in love, but things really did seem to be improving. The intimacy returned, Chris seemed to have disappeared, you were planning a holiday to Australia and little Stacey stopped her incessant crying.
Life was sweet again and Steve's love for Emma returned. Steve was planning to buy Emma whatever she wanted from H Samuel for her birthday. But yesterday, Steve – well, Steve discovered something terrible.
(Dramatic music)
Steve came home having bought a trike for little Stacey. It was to be her first trike – Steve hoped to get her a bike one day. Lovingly, Steve set the trike down, giving the wheels a playful spin, before walking into the kitchen. In the kitchen, Steve saw his beautiful wife, only she didn’t look beautiful, she looked pained. Her legs were over her shoulders and Chris appeared to have disappeared halfway inside her. The only sound Chris could hear over the gentle spinning of the trike’s wheels was his wife’s increasingly rapid groans.
[Len, with a fatherly tone, doleful music returns]
Oh dear, Emma – what have you done? Steve says you've ruined it all Emma. He hopes you die, you f--ing bitch.
[Doleful music ends, Len adopts upbeat tone]
And now, for Steve and Emma, we play Killing in the Name of by Rage Against the Machine...
