Ithaca

ITHACA - BY DAVE CHAPMAN

PENELOPE : You might have fooled your son - but you don't fool me.

ODYSSEUS : What do you mean?

PENELOPE : You always were a smooth talker. Call yourself a proper dad?

ODYSSEUS : But my darling - I ...

PENELOPE : Don't "My Darling" me! A proper dad would've been there to see his son grow up. But oh no. Not you. You're as bad as all those other absent fathers. And did you send me any child maintenance? Did you buggery! Can't you just be honest about it? I mean - wooden horses, one-eyed giants, crashing rocks.

ODYSSEUS : It's all true.

PENELOPE : And I'm Helen of Troy! When you left all you said was "I'm just popping off to the war dear. I won't be long!"

ODYSSEUS : There were a couple of - obstacles.

PENELOPE : That was bloody twenty years ago! And everyone else came back years ago! Admit it.You've had another woman!

ODYSSEUS : Well - I er...

PENELOPE : I knew it. It's that Cilla isn't it.

ODYSSEUS : No Cilla was one of the crashing rocks.

PENELOPE : I know you've been seeing another woman. Medusa then.

ODYSSEUS : I didn't actually SEE her, on account of I'd 've been turned to stone.

PENELOPE : So who was it then? This other woman?

ODYSSEUS : OK then - it was Circe.

PENELOPE : What could she give you that I couldn't?

ODYSSEUS : Um - immortality.

PENELOPE STARTS TO CRY.: Why do you want immortality?

ODYSSEUS : I didn't my darling. I gave it all up for you!

PENELOPE : A likely story.

ODYSSEUS : I'll prove it to you.

PENELOPE : And how do you intend to do that?

ODYSSEUS : I'll string my bow for you.

PENELOPE : Well I've never heard it called that before.

CLOSE

Do schools teach Greek mythology these days?

I was never actually taught it. Picked it up from comics.

And I'm nearly as old as you BB.

I was taught it ...in the 50s. Otherwise I don't think anyone would be interested, they wouldn't know the stories.
I've done pantomime using the nine greek muses but all the audience need to know for that, is that each one presides over an art on earth.

Don't blame Dave he was re-submitting it as a favour to me! Sorry Dave

I know what you mean. Even though I wrote it myself I thought it was brilliant but no-one knows what the hell it's about.

It is good David, I'm not knocking the writing itself, it's just that, youngsters particularly won't know what it's about and won't get the humour. IMO

I got most of the references but it's kind of in-joke humour rather than universal which is a shame. It's the world that's wrong, Roscoff and David and Bushbaby, not the sketches. Everyone should enjoy the rich mythology of our forebears. Bloody schools.

I posted it here without re-reading it which I've just done now.

It is a bit pretentious really isn't it!

I wrote it ages ago.

Quote: SlagA @ January 23, 2008, 10:46 PM

I got most of the references but it's kind of in-joke humour rather than universal which is a shame. It's the world that's wrong, Roscoff and David and Bushbaby, not the sketches. Everyone should enjoy the rich mythology of our forebears. Bloody schools.

View original

I know, I loved greek mythology and couldn't get enough of it in my young days

The Robert Graves translations and commentaries are very good. His I Claudius is a masterpiece too, but don't start me on that.

Tom Vine and Tommy Cooper did Greek mythology before the Greeks.

and Franky Howard