A sorcerers apprentice

Goes on a little, but may cheer those in mourning of Vera Duckworth up...a bit..maybe

7.30PM INT. MODERN APARTMENT

3 SOCIALITE WOMEN IN THEIR LATES TWENTIES EARLY THIRTIES
ARE DISCUSSING THE EVENINGS PLANS

GINA
So when is the big date arriving?

BECKIE
(CHECKS TIME)
He should have been here ten minutes ago.
And it’s not just a date, there could be a job in the offing too!

GINA
You never said.

BECKIE
Yeah, he’s after a new PA or something.
Actually I’m a bit nervous, well not nervous; just I was pretty pissed at that party…

EMMA THE THIRD HOUSE MATE WALKS IN ON THE CONVERSATION SLIGHTLY INIBRIATED FIDDLING WITH HER HAIR AS SHE DOES SO

EMMA
What’s this? A guy? Who hey he?

GINA
A Hottie Beckie met at Julia’s fancy dress party last week, he’s after a new PA. They're going out for a drink, sorry job interview tonight.

EMMA
So what does he do?
(MAKES A CASH RUBBING MOTION WITH HAND)

BECKIE
He's a GP

GINA
GP

BECKIE
Yeah you know, Doctor

EMMA
Uh yeah, I’ve seen too many of them in past year, damn yeast

BECKIE
Or something like that, he did act like a total boffin,
always fidgeting and checking his watch.

EMMA
(SARCASTICALY)
Wow! Sounds a right professor plum, hope he’s got a nice car!
How did you get talking?

BECKIE
I commented on his horrible outfit
He said it was one of his old ones as he didn’t have time to hire anything.

GINA AND EMMA
Cheap

BECKIE
Never mind cheap, I’ve been stood up
Me! Stood up!

WITH THAT THE ‘TARDIS’ MATERIALISES AND THE DOOR OPENS, EMMA AND GINA LOOK AT EACH OTHER THEN FALL BACK IN UNISON.
THE DOCTOR STEPS OUT

DR. WHO
Oh hi Beckie, sorry I’m late
(CHECKS WATCH)

BECKIE
(MIFFED)
Fifteen minutes actually

DR. WHO
Right place wrong year, bloody ‘Timenav’, it doesn't like ring roads either

BECKIE
(POINTING IN DISGUST)
What on earth is this? I thought you said you drove a BMW coupe?

DR. WHO
What? When?

BECKIE
Last week, at Julia’s fancy dress party.
I'm not going to be seen dead pulling up in that, in that monstrosity!

DR. WHO
(STANDS BACK TO ADMIRE THE TARDIS)
Monstrosity!?

BECKIE
What is it, some sort of old phone box?
(SHAKES MOBILE PHONE IN DISGUST)
Have you not got a mobile?

DR. WHO
It’s a Tardis.

BECKIE
A what?

DR. WHO
(PROUDLY)
Tardis, Time And Relative Dimension In Space, comes with the job, I'm a Time Lord and it is mobile, its very mobile.

BECKIE
A Time Lord?
Obviously not a very good one, not only are late, you expect me to go out in that death trap.

DR. WHO
It’s been through a few scrapes, but I wouldn’t say it’s a death trap

BECKIE
Well I would, so sorry, tonight is off Doctor Whoever you are and that goes for the job too

DR. WHO
(TO CAMERA)
I’ll never get a new assistant at this rate.

THE DOCTOR RETURNS TO THE TARDIS AND DE MATERIALISES

THE END

The continuity of the sketches would be the TARDIS re appearing at various unsuitable places and times in the search for a new assistant eg. A dodgy estate full of hooded youths, the Nuremburg trials, Noels House party 1993, finally ending with the Dr. reluctantly asking asking for Catherine Tate’s agents number.

I liked this.
For me though, the punchline arrived with the tardis, and in my humble opinion I think the sketch would've been better off finishing there. The rest of it felt a bit like you were (very slowly) closing things off.
As I said, the big laugh for me was in finding out that the doctor was in fact 'The Doctor'.
But that's just my two penneth - all in all a well written and funny sketch. Thanks for posting it.

I liked this too, I agree with ian_w about finding out it's Dr Who being a punch line itself. Maybe the first sketch could finish there but others could still follow along the 'difficult to get an assistant' theme. There must be loads of stuff to lead up to why the Doctor ends up meeting Tate's agent, that's a great way to finish the theme off.

Thanks for the critique.

Those are fair points, I guess I was trying to squeeze two comedy moments out of one sketch, the materialistic socialite being so preoccupied with status racing that she missed the opportunity of a life time but also as a way into
the Doctors ongoing search for an assistant finally leading upto his total and utter reluctance of hiring Tate which for me was the real punchline.....Yes i like to take my time...

I liked this too Martin. In common with my fellow critiquers I thought that the back end was a bit laboured and might work reintroduced as a second sketch in the sequence.

What about him turning up in a Thatcher's Cabinet meeting circa '79-'83 and asking that she become his assistant? Rich possibilities there.

I agree with the comments above. Best to finish with the tardis materialising and then the doctor stepping out and delivering a killer line.