The Respect Sketch

Just a quick sketch, dont know if it works, ive used the same characters from my "word association sketch" because that went down quite well.

BRIAN IS TALKING TO HIS SON CRAIG,ABOUT MORALS AND RESPECT, AFTER CRAIG HAS BEEN CAUGHT STEALING FROM HIS NEIGHBOURS GARDEN.

Brian
Why did you do that?I thought you were a sensible lad, Barbara and John have been great to us since weve moved in, Im just dissapointed son. Its important to respect your neighbours.

Craig
Im sorry Dad, it wont happen again I promise.

Brian
You can say that again Craig. Do you know what would have happened to me if i had been caught stealing when i was a boy?

Craig
No

Brian
Your Grandad would have kicked seven shades of you know what out of me.

Craig
All i can say Dad is im sorry.

Brian
OK, then just get out of my way and look upset when you Mother comes in.

(CRAIG SITS DOWN ON THE CHAIR NEAR THE WINDOW AND BRIAN SITS DOWN WITH HIS PAPER)

Craig
Dad, why are there flames coming from next doors garden?

Brian
Lets just say they were making too much noise in that f**king shed!

(CRAIG QUICKLY TURNS HEAD IN SHOCK)

Not a bad idea but I think you're doing a bit too much telling and not enough showing at the start. The set up / situation is not apparent from the dialogue.

Quite liked the end bit - but overall just felt that with a bit of work you could sharpen this one up

Well I didn't see it before your edited it but I like it now. It could be a great one with the right production! Bad dad!

Quote: Paul Carroll @ January 18, 2008, 6:04 PM

Yes the Bad Dad was kind off what i was aiming at but I think Armstrong and miller have a character in there sketch thats quite similar.

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I wouldn't get too hung up on originality at the script phase. The bad dad idea is as old as time itself!

Grammar really slapped me round the proverbial face with this sketch, I'm not a nazi with grammar like Aaron but a higher case "I" isn't too tough to do.

As for the sketch it wasn't bad, just needs a bit of a re-write and it should be about there.

I basically concur with a lot of what's been written lets put it that way.