Train Station Quickie Page 2

Quote: SlagA @ January 23, 2008, 2:13 PM

I read it the same way too, and thought that it was better suited as part of a sitcom. There's definitely a theme in there to be explored further.

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I wrote a sitcom pilot set in a train station - there was actually a similar bit in it to Badge's sketch - and it went to a script editor who really liked it, and liked the lead character but didn't like the train station idea. (I thought it was a good idea, the best I'd had).

He suggested changing it, so I did - but I STILL think a sitcom set in a train station would be a good setting.

Obviously 'Oh Dr. Beeching' hasn't helped.

Reminds me of "Can you show me the way to Oldham?".

Or near to Horsham - can you show where to go for Effingham?

Thanks to all, especially Jerf for bothering to resurrect this.

I think this thread proves the usefulness of the Critique thread, because I have obviously written something in words that didn't come across to everyone in the way I saw it myself. So, your comments are valuable (i.e. either I will ditch it (98% chance) or re-write it (2%)).

For the record, the gag that I was seeing was a twisted railwayman taking pleasure in the poor lady missing her train, because he's got his job to do don't you know? If that didn't come across then I didn't do my job well enough.

No, Badge, it did come across as that. And for me it worked. Maybe to emphasise the point, have him shout out the place names and he mumbles hers deliberately but recognisably to the audience?

Not funny ha ha on its own, but as part of a wider plot then it does work. Think Victor Meldrew. It wasn't at all difficult to anticipate what was going to happen to this grumpy OAP but it was still funny because it was part of an established character in a situation comedy.