sketch

A MOTHER AND HER 30 YEAR OLD SON ARE SITTING ON A PARK BENCH.
THE SON THROWS A PIECE OF BREAD AND DUCKS CAN BE HEARD QUACKING.

SON:
Well, this is quite nice, isn't it?

MOTHER:
(SMILING) Yes, it is.

THE MOTHER SUDDENLY SIGHS AND LOOKS SOLEMN AND THOUGHTFUL.

MOTHER (CONT) :
Listen, son, while we're alone, can I talk to you about something?

SON:
Yeah, yeah. Sure, mum. What's up?

MOTHER:
(BOWS HEAD) Well, it's just that...I just wanted to say that I think you've been acting a bit strange, lately.

SON:
Strange? What do you mean?

MOTHER:
Look, I don't want to make you angry, but I need to say this cause I worry about you. You've been acting very odd for a fair while now.

SON:
Me? Wha...no I haven't!

MOTHER:
You have, son. You have. It's not just me, everyone's saying it.

SON:
(ANNOYED) Oh, are they? Well it's nice to know I'm being talked about behind my back. So what have I supposed to've done that's so odd then?

MOTHER:
Look, I'm not going to go into details. Just trust me, you've been doing and saying some very peculiar things, and I worry that...that -

SON:
What? You worry that what?

MOTHER:
Don't get angry please. I'm saying this because I care. But you know what happened to your father.

SON:
Oh, right! I get it now. Dad went mad, so you think it's starting to happen to me?

MOTHER:
Look, son -

SON:
No! Don't look son me! I really do resent this. I've been under a lot of stress lately I admit, but this is over-dramatic and completely unfair.

MOTHER:
(MEEKLY) OK, OK! Have it your way. I won't say anything else. But I think it's worse than just stress. You've been stressed out before and haven't behaved anything like this.

SON:
(SIGHS AND BEGINS TO ZIP HIS COAT) Right, mum, I'm going back home. I'm just not having this conversation. There's nothing wrong with me, and I was in a good mood before you started all this.

JASE, A MAN ABOUT THE SON'S AGE, APPROACHES THE BENCH.

JASE:
Hey, now then, mucker!

SON:
Hey, all right, Jase?

JASE:
Listen, I don't want to be funny, mate, but, erm, why are you sat here talking to a cat?

CAMERA PANS TO A CAT, SITTING WHERE THE MOTHER WAS, STARING AT THE SON WITH ITS HEAD ON ONE SIDE.

It actually made me feel quite sad.

Liked it. Its a bit too long so cut out the middle bit.

I'm with Ellie here. It's not funny but in this instance it doesn't matter. IT IS a very nice reflective piece that's the kind of melancholy I love.

i enjoyed that sketch, maybe a bit too long but still a decent sketch.

Quote: SlagA @ January 17, 2008, 12:38 PM

I'm with Ellie here. It's not funny but in this instance it doesn't matter. IT IS a very nice reflective piece that's the kind of melancholy I love.

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I disagree I think it is funny it just needs to be shortened. It is a one joke sketch so you have to get to the joke quickly

Quote: ajp29 @ January 17, 2008, 12:45 PM

I disagree I think it is funny it just needs to be shortened. It is a one joke sketch so you have to get to the joke quickly

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I'm with AJP. Cut the back and forth at the beginning and drop the bit about his dad. Knock it back to half the length. It's a simple joke and it deserves a simple treatment. One last thought, can you think of anything funnier then a cat? If he's going to hallucinate why not go to town?

I'm with AJP too.
We're lovers.

Quote: James Williams @ January 17, 2008, 12:59 PM

I'm with AJP too.
We're lovers.

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What's a bit of polygamy between friends?

Quote: James Williams @ January 17, 2008, 12:59 PM

I'm with AJP too.
We're lovers.

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If we're lovers how come you haven't called me yet

Quote: David Bussell @ January 17, 2008, 1:03 PM

What's a bit of polygamy between friends?

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Nah I hate maths

"It actually made me feel quite sad."
"it just needs to be shortened. It is a one joke sketch so you have to get to the joke quickly "

Yeah, you're both right. I wrote the dialog very quickly. Reading it back, I did get a bit too involved with the setting up (woops).

"One last thought, can you think of anything funnier then a cat? If he's going to hallucinate why not go to town?"

Doh! Now I'm upset! I actually did originally have him in suspenders as well - still not exactly going to town but nonetheless I removed it cos I thought it might be too much. Wrong decision then

Thanks everyone for the input, much appreciated.

Quote: ian_w @ January 17, 2008, 1:36 PM

"It actually made me feel quite sad."
"it just needs to be shortened. It is a one joke sketch so you have to get to the joke quickly "

Yeah, you're both right. I wrote the dialog very quickly. Reading it back, I did get a bit too involved with the setting up (woops).

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It was just I started to feel sad for the man, and that he was imagining his mum...it was really well written, and to find out his mum wasn't even there. I would have found it funnier had he been in suspenders I think.

I think I got a bit too involved!