The Russian Problem - Sketch

I decided to have a go at writing something topical. It's one area of comedy writing that I really struggle with. I decided to tap in to the whole UK / Russia arguments about showing exhibits. Anyway, this is what I came up with.

Int. Vladimir Putin's office.

Vladimir Putin is sat at his desk. He is writing when his aide, Joffsky, enters.

Joffsky: Mr Putin, you called for me.

Putin: Ah, Joffsky. Excellent. I wanted you here to discuss the British.

Joffsky: Okay, okay. Well, the term Britain first originated from the latin 'Britannia'. They enjoy eating fish and chips. They are ruled by a monarchy and....

Putin: No, no, no! I meant we need to discuss the British 'issue'. Not literally discuss the British.

Joffsky: Oh I see.

Putin: What I am proposing to do is impose a British culture ban on our people.

Joffsky: But surely that means....no more episodes of Eastenders to be broadcast!

Putin: Yes!

Joffsky: But that show highlights the struggle of the working class! It gives hope for our people.

Putin: I know. I know. But, be honest, the scriptwriting has been terrible recently.

Joffsky: True, true. So, is it just British television that you're banning?

Putin: No! I will be banning all British music as well!

Joffsky: All British music?

Putin: That's right.

Joffsky: Even The Beatles?!

Putin: ESPECIALLY THE BEATLES! Can't Buy Me Love? Ha! Not in this economy, comrade!

Joffsky: I fear that the British will not stand for this! They will retaliate!

Putin: Against us? Ha! What are they going to ban from our (MAKES QUOTATION MARKS) culture?

Joffsky: Vodka?

Putin: HAHA! With their binge drinking?!

Joffsky: You're right! It's foolproof! I shall get to work immediately on burning all copies of Chris Moyle's latest book.

Putin: Excellent!

This one's above my head Winterlight

Well, Russia and The Uk aren't getting on at the moment. Over Xmas the russians wouldn't allow one of their art exhibits to be displayed in Britain. I was just taking it one step further with the ruskies not allowing any mention of Britain in Russia.

Oh right, I missed that incident with Russia

Quote: Winterlight @ January 14, 2008, 9:39 PM

Well, Russia and The Uk aren't getting on at the moment. Over Xmas the russians wouldn't allow one of their art exhibits to be displayed in Britain. I was just taking it one step further with the ruskies not allowing any mention of Britain in Russia.

View original

Damn right they aint getting along. Dead spies and all. Do a sketch on that Winterlight.
Russia are waiting alongside Iran. We could be fooked here peeps.

Anyhoo. Good sketch. Well done.

Good one, Winterlight. I liked the Eastenders dig.

Nice one, Winterlight! Enjoyed it mate.

Didn't get the end bit about Chris Moyles, but I'm 100% sure that's purely down to my own ignorance.

Thanks for the praise. I've sent it off to Newsrevue, so fingers crossed.

just in case you haven't put 2 and 2 together already I am a simple soul.. I laugh at silly stuff and tend not to get involved in political shit.
In view of that I won't comment of that side of it because it's, like, whoosh, over me noddle. I will say, though, that it was written with the usual skill and demonstrated a commisionable piece of work in my humble oppinion.

Good luck with it, mate. xx

You know I'm a fan, Winterlight, but you're clearly floundering with this one. Some of us just aren't born to write topical material and that's no bad thing. Well done for trying though.

Be better in Russian, sorry Winterlight, wrong channel