The song title thread in the discussions gave me an idea I've just had a quick little play with.
INT. THE BAR IN A CLUB - NIGHT
ON A STUDENT NIGHT OUT, PETER CHALLENGES JOHN TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE WHERE THE ONLY WORDS HE CAN SAY ARE SONG TITLES.
PETER SELECTS JOHN’S ‘VICTIM’ OF THE SONG TITLES GAME AND THEY APPROACH HER. PETER STANDS WITH HIS BACK TO JOHN, LISTENING IN TO THE CONVERSATION. JOHN IS VERY RELAXED ABOUT HIS CHALLENGE.
JOHN
Hey, baby.
HARRIET
Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Harriet. And you are?
JOHN FREEZES.
JOHN
(THINKING) Oh god. Think, think, think. Song title.
HARRIET
What’s your name?
JOHN LOOKS PANICKED, AS HE STRUGGLES TO THINK OF A NAME THAT IS ALSO A SONG TITLE.
JOHN
Stan.
JOHN BREATHES A SIGH OF RELIEF AND RELAXES AGAIN BRIEFLY (UNTIL THE NEXT QUESTION)
HARRIET
Nice to meet you, Stan. What course are you doing?
JOHN
(THINKING) Oh for god’s sake, I should’ve planned some answers.
HARRIET
Hello? What course?
PETER POKES JOHN AND WHISPERS IN HIS EAR.
PETER
(WHISPERS) Girls Aloud.
JOHN DOESN’T UNDERSTAND PETER’S HINT.
HARRIET
Are you alright – it’s not a difficult question what course you’re doing!
JOHN
Something kinda oooh.
HARRIET
What?
JOHN REALISES WHAT PETER’S HINT WAS.
JOHN
Biology!
HARRIET
Ah right. That sounds good!
JOHN
Mmm...bop. You?
PETER TAPS JOHN ON THE SHOULDER, AND JOHN TURNS AROUND.
PETER
“You”?
JOHN
S Club 7.
PETER
Ah, genius!
JOHN TURNS BACK AROUND TO HARRIET.
HARRIET
I’m doing Quantum Physics, you know, all about electrons and atoms.
JOHN
Ah, all the small things.
HARRIET
Yes, exactly.
JOHN
Cool.
PETER TAPS JOHN ON THE SHOULDER AGAIN, AND JOHN TURNS AROUND AGAIN.
JOHN
Oh, come on, Gwen Stefani.
JOHN TURNS BACK AROUND TO HARRIET AGAIN.
HARRIET
So, are you just going around meeting people this evening?
JOHN
Yeah. I don’t feel like dancing.
HARRIET
Oh, what?! I love dancing!
JOHN
I bet you look good on the dance floor.
HARRIET
I’m not great. I think that I look stupid when I’m dancing though.
JOHN
You’re so vain!
HARRIET
I’m not! Come on, I want to see your moves now.
JOHN
Maybe tomorrow.
HARRIET
How can I persuade you?
JOHN
With a little help from my friends.
HARRIET PAUSES AND GETS ANGRY, AS SHE SUDDENLY REALISES WHAT JOHN HAS BEEN DOING.
HARRIET
Hey. Have you been taking the Mickey out of me this whole time, Stan?
JOHN
Hey! Mickey? Never ever.
HARRIET
Shut up!
PETER TURNS AROUND TO JOIN THE CONVERSATION.
PETER
Black Eyed Peas!
HARRIET
Yeah. Two can play that game.
PETER
Usher and Bobby Brown?
JOHN AND PETER ARE SMILEY ABOUT THEIR GAME.
JOHN
How long did I last before she worked it out?
PETER
Not long enough, I win the money.
HARRIET
You’ve been messing with me for money?!
PETER
Yeah. The winner takes it all.
JOHN
I’m...I’m...I’m... Nope. Elton John was right. Sorry does seem to be the hardest word.
HARRIET
Piss off!
PETER AND JOHN LEAVE LAUGHING.
