Wife
Right don’t forget we have to go & see Clair & Andy’s new baby later.
Husband
I don’t want to go & see the baby. It will give you ideas.
Wife
No it wont. I don’t want a smelly baby.
Husband
It will. You will see it & start getting all flaffy over it. It will be all cute in one of those soft lenor smelling babygrows.The next thing I know, you will be throwing out your contaraceptive pill without my knowledge & getting yourself all foetus upped, with no thought to consulte me.
Wife
Listen you twat. I don’t want a baby & how dare you invent things to happen in the future & have a go at me before they even have. I would never do that.
Husband
What about those boots then?
Wife
Boots?
Husband
Yes see, you have forgotten your own lie already. Those boots that we saw for £140. The ones you wanted more than life itself. The ones I told you we couldn’t afford. We walked out of that shop without those boots. Yet mysteriously 3 days later, I found a receipt in your purse for a pair of £140 boots.
Wife
Oh those boots. Well I told you I dropped my purse on the floor in that shop & I must have picked up someone else’s receipt whilst retrieving my stuff.
Husband
Yes! Then what happened huh? 2 days after the receipt episode your best friend apparently decided to give you a brand shiny new, pair of £140 boots unworn & an identical twin to the pair you wanted. They were even your exact size.
Wife
Right so just because it happened to be a happy coincidence with massive benefit to me then it can’t be true.
Husband
I said no to the boots, you chose to ignore me. I am not having the same thing happen with a baby. You women think us men were born yesterday. We know all your little scams.
Wife
Ok then Mister. How about your mugging episode?
Husband
What mugging episode?
Wife
See you have forgotten your lie already. The time you went to the gym & apparently got whacked over the head in the changing room. Recall how that mugger got away with the £50, which was for a gift you were supposed to buy for my mother. Then due to that un-noticeable bump on your head, you lost your memory for an entire evening. You eventually came home at 3am in the morning blind drunk. Hmmmmm I have a very clear memory of how you managed to get yourself pissed with no money.
Husband
Its true. Luckily I bumped into an old friend who brought me drinks all night & filled in all the gaps in my memory. So just because it happened to be a happy coincidence with massive benefit to me then it can’t be true.
Wife
You men think us women were born yesterday. We know all your little scams.
I know you, you will see that baby all sweet & small its little fingers curling around yours & the next thing i know you will replace my contraceptive with asprin. I will be all feotus upped without any thought to consulte me.
Husband
So do we have to go & see this baby or what?
Wife
I will ring them & say we have flu.
