Dolly

Doll.

INT. DAY.

MAN WALKS (MAN 1)INTO A RECORD SHOP AND APPROACHES THE MAN BEHIND THE COUNTER (MAN 2)

MAN 2. Can I help you, Sir?

MAN 1. Yes, I’m after something of Dolly Parton’s.

MAN 2. (speaking quickly so the words become blurred) Greatest ‘its?

MAN 1. Wow, yes, please.

MAN 2. I’ll just be a moment, Sir.

MAN 2 STANDS AT THE DESK AS MAN 1 GOES OFF TO LOOK. AFTER A MOMENT MAN 2 RETURNS LOOKING EMBARRASSED.

MAN 2. I’m so sorry, I’ve completely sold out. I do have this one, ‘Dolly Parton the early years?’

MAN 1. Well, let’s have a look.

MAN ONE PLACES A SMALL PAIR OF BREASTS ON THE COUNTER.

MAN 1. (examines them) I must say that I’ve always like her early stuff. I’ll take ’em.

Interesting. Structure of it is sound and very concise with your words, which is good. I do think it's a bit predictable though.

Dan

Knew where it was going with the emphasis you placed on 'Greatest 'its' but the ending (although I saw it coming) was a nice twist with the small boobs, so well done on taking it beyond what I was anticipating.

A bit of advice, then, please. I knew when I pointed out the way he said 'greatest 'its' that the reader was going to twig it. So do you think that since it would be said in muffled way that I should just write it straight and hope that it'd work itself out to the reader as, hopefully, it'd be clear to the viewer?
Did that make any sense at all?

How about setting it up north, with accents and stuff? Then the 'H' will probably automatically get dropped in performance then.

To hide this in your script, write it with the accents in along the other lines and it should be 'cleverly' masked!

Hope this is useful

Dan

Yeah, interesting, I saw it coming too so it was kind of spoilt.

Of course, if you drop the 'h' it comes out as Greates Tits, so although the 'tits' comes out, it doesn't actually make any sense. Is this a fair observation? I think so. Greatest Tits sounds a bit different, there's two plosive "t"s. So in that sense I'm not sure that it quite works.

I'm sitting here saying, "greatest 'its", "greatest tits" in all sorts of accents. You can make it work if you sort of spit the t's out. Welsh!?
Where's a slag when you need 'im?

Quote: marion @ January 11, 2008, 3:26 PM

I'm sitting here saying, "greatest 'its", "greatest tits" in all sorts of accents.

View original

So was I!

Here’s a possibility, maybe changed it too much for you but see what you think:

Man 1: Have you got 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton?

Man 2: Should have (rummages through C&W box).. blimey! We don’t have it.
I’ve a pile of her discs at home though.

Man 1: Big fan of hers as well?

Man 2: Love her to bits mate, (pauses) Hmmm, I did have something that came in a while back.

Man 1: Yes?

Man 2: A real collectors item, it was just before she got noticed.

Man 1: Lets have a peek then.

MAN 2 PLACES SMALL BREASTS ON COUNTER

MAN 1: (examines them) I must say that I’ve always liked her early stuff. I’ll take ‘em.

It works well Marion because it surely is to be performed and not read.

I saw it coming too but the ending was a twist.

fair point David.. I wrote it as read rather than performed.. sorry M.

Marion, the problem only arises because (as most have pointed out) we read it rather than heard it. So in performance it won't stick out (oo-er) so much. But Swertyd's dialect is a good idea plus the actor should say "Greates' Tits" or "Greates'tits" with a slightest pause as possible between the two words.

The performance will be key to this working.

Thank you all so very much. I'm delighted that you wanted to help and weren't just a bunch of knockers ..... ......*quietly slings a few things into a bag and pulls door closed behind her* ..