Ohhhhh Daddy!

Dad
(Whispers to Charley) I need your help later. I want you to order me something off the World Wide Web. It is a surprise for your Mother.

Charley
Did you not spend enough on those earings Dad. I mean £1.25 is a fortune.

Dad
This is for when your Mother passes her driving test. It’s to show I take her passing (rolls his eyes) eventually, serious, it is also for her safety.

Charley
What is it then. A car with no wheels?

Dad
No it is a “Have A Peace of mind doll”.

Charley
(Puzzled) A what?

Dad
“Have A Peace of Mind doll”. You know one of those blow up men that you sit in the passenger seat so it looks like a woman has company & is not all alone.

Charley
Are you serious?

Dad
(Exasperated) I know you kids don’t give a shit about your mother & I. All you care about is your inheritance. You would most likely be overjoyed to find out your mother was dragged from her car & mutilated to death.

Charley
And a blow up man will protect her from that, HOW!! Stare at him & make him feel uneasy to death?

Dad
Look will you order it for me or what you sarcastic Bitch?

CUT TO LATER THAT NIGHT. CHARLEY & HER DAD ARE AT THE PC.

Dad
Right I have to goggle it.

Charley
It’s google Dad.

Dad spends 15 minutes tapping away with one finger. (Slow as an arthritic)Eventually an image appears on screen.

Charley.
(Busts out laughing) Dad that is not a “Have a Peace of Mind doll” that is a “Have a Piece of mine Doll”.I mean just look at it. It’s naked for one.

Dad
Yes well I put him in my clothes to make it more authentic. I can even pick his size to fit me. Small, Medium, Large or X Large. I am a medium.

Charley
Look at his mouth dad. I mean look at it. It’s hanging open. Wide!!!!

Dad
Well that’s because they have to sit next to women drivers. He is scared.

Charley
And the point of that is? (Points at the large plastic penis)

Dad
(Shrugs) To add more authenticity.

Charley
It is a sex doll dad. It’s for bi-curious or gay men & possibly really really ugly women.

Dad
Your mother is really really ugly.

Charley
Do you really want to order that Dad. (Laughing)

Dad
Not now. You have put me off you selfish bitch.

Great. I feel like I know them But do they ever read this site, 'cause I'd be murdered by mine.?
Nice one, mate.

Nice. Enjoyed the unusual relationship between yourself and your dad, and the situation was nothing if not original. Found some of the dialogue a bit forced though. Lines like this could use some tightening...

"I know you kids don’t give a shit about your mother & I. All you care about is your inheritance. You would most likely be overjoyed to find out your mother was dragged from her car & mutilated to death."

I liked it and the dialogue. Not a strong ending, but if this were a series of sketches, I think only the last one would need a punchline.

We call them Sketches... Charley calls them a saturday afternoon with the parents.

Loved it. Didn't find the dialogue awkward; actually felt it suited the 'character'.

People put too much of an emphasis on the punchline. If the whole thing was as funny as that, who gives a shit of there's no big artificial show-stopper at the end?

Having said that, it reads more like a scene/part-scene from a sitcom to me than a sketch. Not that you've put any such tag on it. Some of the material could also be used in stand-up, too, I reckon.

If all this material were collected and pieced together, with plot elements, and brushed up a bit, it would make a fantastic sitcom IMO.

Good sketch Charley now write the bloody sitcom *shakes fist*

That was good, sort of, warming, as though eavesdropping, I agree that a sketch does not have to be Wham Bam Thank You Mam, with a big punch line.

Agreed, get the sitcom written Charley.

Quote: James Williams @ January 7, 2008, 6:54 PM

Agreed, get the sitcom written Charley.

View original

Yeah *shakes fist again and more violently*

Agree with James and ajp here, Charley: it reads more like a sitcom than a stand-alone sketch.

Some of the lines are laugh-out-loud funny though; made me chuckle a lot. I think one of your best pieces that I have read.

If you're not going to develop it further, I'd cut the last two lines and finish on 'really, really ugly'. Certainly one of the stronger tags.

Dan

She's just pointed this one out to me. I'd missed it previously.

Another gem - and I'm trying to organise her - but that's easier said than done.

good and one killer line "piece of mine doll" how ever could be shorter, and needs a sharper punchline,

he buys her a 12 inch dildo to use as a cosh?

otherwise pretty good

I missed this the first time round for some reason. It's yet another Charley gem. When are you going to write the sitcom? I'll give you one more month, then i'm nicking it

Quote: Ray Dawson @ February 2, 2008, 4:04 PM

I'll give you one more month, then i'm nicking it

View original

What - the blow up doll?