My son Jack's 18th birthday ended with me in tears! It started early evening. Kyle my oldest soldier boy, had purchased a large cuddly Nemo fish & told Jack that he got to keep the £100 in his card, only if he carried the fish with him everywhere he went. He would have to be up his arse all night. The thing was they decided to call the fish Mum!
Anyhoo much later that night two very plastered sons came home & decided to give me some home truths. Here is just a small sample of how horrid I am.
1. Apparently I state the bleeding obvious. Eg....
Kyle goes to make a cup of tea & I have to always inform him that there is milk in the fridge. Kyle then went into one about how he is 21 years old & milk has been in the fridge all his life. He has never had to go rooking through the wardrobes or looking under cushions for milk EVER!
2. I treat them like 5 year olds. Eg.....
Jack said I ring him when he is out all the time & that I even ring him when he is at home & I am out. I tried to deny this but they went & got last months phonebill out & showed me both their mobile numbers x 264. It is the calling him at home that drives him the most mad. Apparently I will ring the house phone, he will answer & I will ask "Where are you".
3. I am a control freak. Here is just one example of about 10.
Apparently I tell them what shops they can buy clothes from & what shops they Can't. Then they both admitted a secret to me that had me in sheer distress. They once went to Primark & brought a shirt then cut the label out & put the shirt in a river Island carrier bag. (They know that I will be waiting at the door to see their purchases).Then when they pulled the shirt out of the bag to show me, I liked it. (I feel very Ick still. Not just for the terrible deception but that I liked it).
4.
I dont listen. Eg...........
Apparently neither of them like vegetables very much. They have told me every day since they could speak. Yet still I put vegetables on their plates. There is never going to be a day when they will look at a cabbage & say "Mmmmmmm I changed my mind. That green nasty shit looks good"!
5.
They are not allowed to think for themselves. Eg.....
If they ever dare say the word think I get all frantic. "I think I might go here". Apparently I will go "What do you want to go there for. You don’t want to go there you want to go here".
If they muster up the courage to say "I think I will do". I will go all gaga & say "You don’t want to do that, you want to do this".
“Why do you want to go to your mates for the night & have lots of fun doing fun things, when you can stay home with me & be miserable
6.
I am scary.. Eg
I never smacked them but would threaten them. “Right that’s another beating to add to your 13th birthday. Just you wait. You are both 2 dead teenagers”. Apparently they shat themselves big time the night before they turned 13. They reckoned there was a good 360 beatings coming their way.
Lastly they really slammed the final nail in by telling me they never fell for any of my games. Example.
The time I fainted just before they were to go to an all night party. Well they knew I was acting. (Dont care, it worked. We watched my choice of DVD's allllllllllll night).
