Sketch - Torture Chamber Induction Day

Scene:

Induction day at a torture chamber, ‘group leader’ talks the group through the rigours of the day.

Keith (torture chamber group leader): ok then settle down, settle down. Good Morning and welcome to the ‘chamber of horrors’. I am your group leader for the day’s activities. I go by many names………Slaughter, Dr Pain, Bone Crusher but you can call me Keith.

Now then, a break down of the days activities, at 10am we will be paying a visit to the on site barber for some close shaved haircuts, or as we like to call them, scalping. Followed at 11am with some light stretching in the rack.

At midday we will all gather ourselves and have a small lunch, consisting of mouldy, crusty bread and some stagnant water, if anyone has any allergies then please let my assistant ‘luke’ know after this induction.

After the light snack we will pay a visit to the site dentist, for a quick check-up and removal. The thieves and sexual deviants will split from the group and will shown how the gas chamber works, we wont see you after that so, we hope you enjoy your time with the chamber master ‘gassy’ or ‘Adrian’

The traitors and spies at 2pm will be making a round trip on our accommodation units. They are cosy, you get your own cell, I mean room, and that’s about it. There are 24 hour round the clock guard services, if you need anything then just scream.

This is a friendly family orientated organisation; we like to run a painful ship, with plenty of blood, guts and horror thrown in, the last Friday of every month is wacky tie day.

I hope you enjoy your time here at the chamber, we pride our selves on having an unusually high turnover of clients, I hope you can make this a memorable visit. We will break now, but I will meet you in 15 mins next to the gallows. You cant miss them, to the right of the water cooler. Next to the crèche.

Is there any questions?
Pension?
Next,
No more questions?
No.

Thank you for participating and I hope to see you soon.

(Scene Ends)

Yeah, I quite like this one. Very 'Blackadder'. Which is both good and bad as you don't want to re-tread ground too much. I thought the voice came across quite well. I would quite like some sort of strong punchline or twist to finish it off, but that's not the be-all and end-all as it's not a real 'short'.

i think when i wrote this i was watching blackadder 3, the episode when baldrick gets elected to parliment. love that episode.

i like the contrast between the horror and the daily routine, like work.

Yeah, it's a good combo. "Issues not personalities..." brilliant!

''because our candidate hasn't got a personality'' - classic.

thanks for the feedback.

any advice to progress? hard to tell at the moment, but any....

Yeah a good sketch, I wouldn't like to be the one remember that script though.

Oh and: "the last Friday of every month is wacky tie day." - Stewie Griffin (family guy) It's ok you didn't know I just watch too much family guy.

Every writer starts off purely emulating. According to Stephen King. And I think it's true. Look at Raymond Chandler too.

cheers

Quote: CJ-PW @ January 4, 2008, 6:12 PM

we hope you enjoy your time with the chamber master ‘gassy’ or ‘Adrian’

View original

I adored that line.

Very good, can imagine it being funnier performed then on paper.

Yep I enjoyed this. Well done.

thank you very much, i am refining this script and its going to be performed and recorded.

i'll post up the video once it has been completed.

posting another sketch soon.

thanks for reading.