Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ January 3, 2008, 6:42 PMCome on Rosco let's be friends, it's supposed to be a bit of fun. I know I'm not a writer and never will be. Calm down and write another piece, We need you,
Jerf Rosco.. both of you get together and do a Dukes of Hazzard sketch.
We are supposed to be being mellow this year guys, I've been told! 
Take it from Frankie Rage that there is no point falling out on a silly internet forum (sorry Aaron/Mark but you know what I mean..) and if a comedy internet forum can't be silly now and agian then what's the point, eh?
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EXT. CARPARK IN FRONT OF RETIREMENT HOME. AN EXTREMELY ELDERLY UNICYCLIST (LIVES AT RETIREMENT HOME) IN FULL CLOWNS GEAR IS CYCLING AROUND THE CAR PARK WAVING A COMEDY FLAG IN ONE HAND AND A HUGE COMEDY SNAKE IN THE OTHER. HE NEARLY CYCLES INTO A HOODY WHO IS VISITING FOR SOME AS YET UNDISCLOSED PURPOSE ;-)
HOODY:
Oi watch it, you trying to be funny?
Quote: ContainsNuts @ January 3, 2008, 2:04 PMThe end.
That had me in stitches!! Now that's what i call timing!
I think it would be pretty dreary for a sitcom, crap variety acts that are now elderly crap variety acts.
However i think it would work really well as a series of sketches, especially if the bad taste dial was cranked up a notch or two.....
?
*Rubs eyes* Frankie being the beacon of peace, well I never!
Despite criticism (or attempted producer credits) it's actually quite a good exercise... stringing a sitcom by yourself is hard enough nevermind working on one in a forum...
Quote: martin jones @ January 3, 2008, 8:36 PMI think it would be pretty dreary for a sitcom, crap variety acts that are now elderly crap variety acts.
However i think it would work really well as a series of sketches, especially if the bad taste dial was cranked up a notch or two.....
?
I think it could work the way you suggest but I also think it might work the way Jerf is playing it. You could have said the same thing you're saying about "Last of the Summer Wine" ... some boring old farts pratting around in a village, or even "Steptoe & Son" ... a dirty old bloke and his son running a grotty rag and bone business, you may not like either of those sitcoms but they are very popular.
In the end it's the characters that are developed (or not) that will make or break it IMO.
Also, there is a big and growing grey audience out there that is fed up of a lot of so-called modern telly and might like it (possibly?)
Just a thought from mellowed out Frankie xxx
Quote: paul watson @ January 3, 2008, 8:43 PM*Rubs eyes* Frankie being the beacon of peace, well I never!
Sorry everybody, but I'm better at winding people up than writing sitcom. I can't help it, show me your Achilles Heel, and I'll kick the bastard. I'm a coffin dodger you wouldn't want to live next door too.
you're probably well-placed to be a writer on this sitcom then!
How about bringing in a bit of pathos?
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INT. NIGHT. LOUNGE OF THE RETIREMENT HOME. AN OLD SOLDIER STANDS ALONE IN THE SEMI DARNESS IN HIS TROUSERS, VEST AND BRACES. HE STARTS TO PLAY "THE LAST POST" ON A BATTERED OLD TRUMPET...
LIGHTS COME ON
V/O: (angry)
For God's sake Norman, leave it out... It's late... we've all gone to bed...
LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN. NORMAN STOPS PLAYING AND DEJECTEDLY LEAVES THE ROOM.
THE LIGHTS COME BACK ON AND A LOT OF THE OLD VARIETY FOLK COME IN IN FULL REGALIA & START CHATTING & LAUGHING. SOMEONE PUTS SOME OLD STYLE DANCE-BAND MUSIC ON.
NORMAN COMES BACK IN STILL CARRYING HIS TRUMPET AND SOMEONE SWITCHES THE LIGHTS AND MUSIC OFF AND THEY ALL SIT/STAND WHERE THEY ARE IN SILENCE LIKE STATUES.
NORMAN LEAVES AGAIN DEJECTEDLY.
THE LIGHTS AND MUSIC COME BACK ON AND THEY BURST BACK INTO LIFE DANCING, LAUGHING, JOKING & PARTYING.
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Al Bowlly sure can sing can't he.. (sniff) prefer Bing meself..
Martin Jones. Crap photo, crap haircut,I'll bet you've got Love and Hate tattoed on your knuckles, and couldn't punch your way out of............sorry
Jerf I'll give you something you've got spunk. You'd better hope that's Martin Jones' 2nd cousin twice removed or if this lot ever do meet up you'd better get those life insurance details up to date. Or he's a pacifist. Olive branch accepted. You probably don't need me though as I think Frankie's hit a rich vein of form.
At the risk of getting my arse kicked.
[Frank lies in bed. Two nurses come in lift him out of bed and dump him in a chair by the table. Nurse puts a cup cake with one candle in it and poors a glass of milk. The other nurse slaps up a poster saying happy birthday over the mirror. He starts to lean forward.]
Nurse: No you don't.
[She gaffer tapes him to the chair. She stuffs a party whistle in his mouth and a party hat on his head]
Nurse: Happy Birthday Frank
[They leave pause he weekly blows the whistle]
The Rage has a point about the grey audience.
Anyway, now that the sitcom is called "I Thank You", I think the residents should always cross themselves and say "I thank you" when they pass one of the many photos of their benefactor, Bruce Forsyth, in the retirement home.
SCENE ? The Lounge
MATRON ENTERS WITH FRED. FRED CROSSES HIMSELF AS HE PASSES A PHOTO OF BRUCIE
FRED
I thank you.
MATRON
I wanted to warn you, Fred. Your old enemy Len Oliver is arriving tomorrow. Be gentle with him; he has Parkinson's Disease.
FRED
Parkinson's! Is he going to ingratiate himself with all the residents and keep banging on about Yorkshire?
...fools never differ! I had a similar take on that Parkinson's idea over on 4laughs which I've tailored to fit below... !!! Alternate way of getting more out of the gag? Just a thought! Maybe not but hey this is fun!
Frankie xxx
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following on...
MATRON
I wanted to warn you, Fred. Your old enemy Len Oliver is arriving tomorrow. Be gentle with him; he's quite ill...
FRED
Yorkie? Here? He'll ingratiate himself with all the residents and keep banging on about Yorkshire all day long... [groan]
CUT TO. INT. RETIREMENT HOME LOUNGE. AN OLD AGED PENSIONER IS HAVING SOME SORT OF FIT. HIS HEAD IS JERKING ABOUT UNCONTROLLABLY.
LEN OLIVER:
...ee, by gum I remember when Fred Trueman were on't show side by side wi' Geoffrey Boycott, it were a reet neet... oh, ah an’ Fred Dibner an’ all!
LEN SHUDDERS. STUMBLES A LITTLE. RUBS HIS FOREHEAD AND STARTS GROANING.
LEN OLIVER:
Oh, I'm not feeling quite... ayup, wheers that ferret gone nah, up mi bloody trowzer leg I shunt wonder... raight enuff! Roy Hattersley, welcome…
LEN STUMBLES AGAIN AND COLLAPSES ONTO A CHAIR.
LEN OLIVER (DELIRIOUS):
Sir Ian Botham, come on and sit dahn lad, well done… tha’s had a brilliant career… ohhhhhhhhh!
MATRON TO NURSE.
MATRON:
Sad case, he's got Parkinsons of course...
*shakes head in dismay*
Quote: Aaron @ January 4, 2008, 8:57 AM*shakes head in dismay*
That's not like you!
You may have a hit on your hands with this one Aaron... you'll be able to say, "it happened right here under my disdainful eye!"
Jerf, wind-up or not, less of the patronising comments please. Especially the personal ones aimed at specific users. You seem very keen on pointing out the failings in other people's education, yet don't see the failings in your own (Everyone's education is patchy and incomplete if you want to get down and dirty).
My only problem with this concept is that it failed at the first hurdle of a sitcom-writing project: that of getting the characters established and defined. That's the first basic stage.
Yes, it's understood it's not a serious project but you must be aware that a training exercise should follow the real-life procedure to be of any value to take from the experience?
There are some great ideas here but at the mo they are loosely connected sketches or ideas. If you want to develop something tangible and cohesive, get the characters right first.
Quote: SlagA @ January 4, 2008, 9:13 AMMy only problem with this concept is that it failed at the first hurdle of a sitcom-writing project: that of getting the characters established and defined. That's the first basic stage.
Yes, it's understood it's not a serious project but you must be aware that a training exercise should follow the real-life procedure to be of any value to take from the experience?
There are some great ideas here but at the mo they are loosely connected sketches or ideas. If you want to develop something tangible and cohesive, get the characters right first.
Always respect your views mate and points taken but personally I think the VERY first thing to do is just WRITE.. have fun, see where it goes and if it fires us up enough to take it seriously!
Characters don't just come together all at once at the start (not for me anyway) they come together over time and one way to develop them IMO is to get some action going but hey ho, I was never one for staying too closely with the text book!
Maybe that's why I'm not rich?
Yer pal,
Frankie xxx