Pushing the boundaries type sketches (examples)

I think this is an interesting area... I don't have much capability in this but if anybody cares to put any examples up for us all to look at, then fine. Here's one of mine anyway such as it is...
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INT. TWO MEN WORKING ON THE FACTORY FLOOR. OLDER MAN IS SHOWING YOUNGER MAN, HIS SON, HOW TO OPERATE A MACHINE ON HIS SONS FIRST DAY AT WORK.

SON:
I can show you a better way to do that, Dad!

DAD:
No, you can't

SON:
Yes, I can

DAD:
No, you can't

SON:
Yes, I can

DAD: (frustrated)
Look, son, I've been working in factories all my life and six years on this machine. And this is your first day on the job. So it's me that's showing you, OK?

SON:
Yes, but I can show you a better way to do it!

DAD: (getting angry)
No, you can't!

SON:
Yes, I can

DAD: (getting angrier)
No, you can't

SON: (insistent)
Yes, I can!

DAD GRABS HIS SON BY THE ARMS AND PUSHES HIS SONS HANDS INTO THE MACHINE, AN ALARM SOUNDS, AND THE MACHINE GOES INTO EMERGENCY STOP, BUT IT'S TOO LATE, THE SONS HANDS ARE HORRIBLY MANGLED, HE IS IN AGONY TRAPPED IN THE MACHINE AND THERE IS A LOT OF BLOOD. PEOPLE COME RUNNING TO HELP.

DAD: (satisfied, under his breath)
No you can't!

END

Here's one I posted a while back and prompted a few gasps:

Mercy Killing Sketch

Int. Gladys’ Bedroom – 17.00

Gladys, 80, is sat in bed in her dressing gown. There is a knock at the door and in walks Ian, 21, with a tray of food. He walks over to the bed.

Ian: Hello Grandma! Teas up.

Gladys: Oh thank you Ian, but I don’t think I’ll be able to eat it. You know, because of the...

Ian: the illness?

Gladys: Yes dear. I’m afraid that my tablets aren’t doing much for me anymore.

Ian: Oh, ok. I see.

Ian puts the tray of food down on the floor next to the bed and sits down on the bed. He looks upset.

Gladys: Don’t worry, Ian. Anyway, look! I’ve finally finished my autobiography.

Gladys reaches over to her bedside table and picks up a single piece of paper. She hands it to Ian. He begins to read it.

Ian: The Life and Times of Gladys Troon. Was born in 1927. Married in 1948. The End. (Looks up) Well, it’s a little uneventful isn’t it.

Gladys: Well, I’ve led an uneventful life. I was going to put in the bit about the time I had a Betterware catalogue delivered by mistake, but...

Ian: But?

Gladys: Well dear, I think my audience would have found it a little racy. All the mentions of polyvinyls and...

Gladys suddenly starts to have a coughing fit and looks in great pain. Ian gets up off the bed in a state of some concern. Gladys starts howling in pain.

Ian: (DISTRESSED) Oh God! Oh God! Its not fair. I can’t take much more of this. I’ve seen enough.

Ian advances towards Gladys with his hands outstretched ready to strangle Gladys. However, instead of strangling her he pulls off Gladys’ hair which is a wig. Blonde hair is revealed. He then pulls off her face which is a latex mask. The face of a young woman is revealed.

Ian: Elaine! I don’t want to role play anymore. You’re my wife!

Gladys: (Still with the elderly voice) No I’m not. I’m your Grandmother.

Ian: Drop that voice for christs sake!

Elaine: (In a youthful voice) Ok.

Ian: Good.

Elaine: (Sighs) I suppose I better get changed.

Elaine gets up, goes over to a wardrobe and starts routing through it.

Ian: One thing though.

Elaine turns round.

Elaine: What’s that?

Ian: Keep the colostomy bag on.

Ian rubs his hands devilishly.

END

***I've just noticed how clunky my formatting was back in the day. Quite wordy and over descriptive at times!

Both of those above were Brill.

Here is an old old entry of the BSG Comp of mine. It is quite tame. I can do deeply offensive but I dont want to. Not yet anyway!

A woman behind the counter in the DHSS.

A man with no arms sits opposite. The woman stares at him for a few seconds.

DHSS WOMAN
So Dear, have you looked for work at all in the past 2 weeks.

MAN WITH NO ARMS
It hard as I from Poland. I also have no arms (Jiggles his torso at her)

DHSS WOMAN
Really dear I cant say I noticed.Well lets see what we have for you. (Taps away at the PC) Oh there is plenty of work for you.
Pol -itician, Pol –iceman a can of Pol-ish (DHSS Woman cackles).

THE MAN WITH NO ARMS STARES AT HER

DHSS WOMAN (CONT)
No, not up for any of those. Ok, well we have one more job here, are you any good at scaring people?

MAN WITH NO ARMS STARES AT HER

DHSS WOMAN (CONT)
Well we have a job here as a Pol-tergeist. (Screams with laughter)
(Composes herself)
OK Ok I will be serious. You have no arms right.

THE MAN WITH NO ARMS NODS.

DHSS WOMAN
Ok let's see what Jobs we have here. After all there is no arm in looking. (Pfff busts out laughing)

THE MAN WITH NO ARMS SHAKES HIS HEAD IN DISGUST

DHS WOMAN (CONT)
Okay no it’s a shame you don’t have atleast one arm. There is a job going here working for our local mafia firm, as a fruit machine. Yea a one armed bandit. (Giggles so hard she starts to cry).
The woman composes herself.

THE MAN WITH NO ARMS STARTS TO LOOK ANGRY

DHS WOMAN
Ok I tell you what just sign here, oh you cant sorry (Puts the pen in-between the mans teeth) There you go, just wobble your head about. (Throws her head back in laughter)

THE MAN WITH NO ARMS
You are not nice person. I send complaint

DHSS WOMAN
(Sarcastic) What you going to write to them, pick up the phone & call them. I dont think so

THE MAN WITH NO ARMS
You are nasty woman

DHSS WOMAN
Yep but I can do this.(Starts flailing her arms about)

CLOSE

I think both of these sketches could be funny and grotesque OR just grotesque depending on the production. The script is only part of the job! Be interesting to see if anybody else posts anything of this type!

Bump in case Jerf wants to have a butchers!

They're all really good. Would they ever get accepted these days? The PC team'd have something to say. (just curious)

Does anyone remember this one?

KNOCK ON FRONT DOOR. A YOUNG GIRL ANSWERS, A WOMAN STANDS THERE.

WOMAN
Hello, I'm from Social Services. Is your mother in?

GIRL
Yoh, ees gon hoppin.

WOMAN
Pardon?

GIRL
Hoppin'

WOMAN
Oh, I see...she's gone shopping.

GIRL
Yeah.

WOMAN
Is your brother in then?

GIRL
Yoh, ees at ernibussitee

WOMAN
Pardon?

GIRL
ernibussitee.

WOMAN
Oh!! he's at University!! How wonderful. What is he reading?

GIRL
ees yot, ees in a yar.

WOMAN
Pardon?

GIRL
Ees in a...a jar

+++ STOP PRESS +++
+++ STOP PRESS +++

Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grubb

Firefighters appear to have contained a fire which has ripped through the top floor of the world famous Royal Marsden hospital in London leaving patients and staff desperately trying to flee the flames.

ADVERTISEMENT - get your blackened cancer ridden corpses here! They make lovely door stops - a 1001 uses! "I use mine for sexual purposes" - an out of work actor.

It is believed that some patients, who were undergoing surgery, had to remain in operating theatres after the blaze had taken hold, as the doctors just ran off and left them. Shouts of, "Get out of my way you old twat, you're going to die anyway, whereas I'm young, virile and strong.." filled the air.

The roof of the Royal Marsden hospital was engulfed in flames with smoke visible for miles around as people in the street shouted, "Best thing for 'em.. bring it on!"

Police closed off all roads leading to the hospital building preventing the Fire Service from putting out the flames, "not this time, sonny" said a burly gay copper to an equally burly gay fireman. The emergency services were called to the hospital at 1.20pm. 25 fire engines tried to attend and dozens of firefighters ended up just sat around laughing at the human carnage, "It's great for us to be able to stand and laugh for a change!", said an heterosexual fireman.

Some patients were laid on mattresses in an ambulance area on a nearby street, with nursing staff in attendance, sex was enjoyed with some of the younger patients by old men from the nearby park. Other patients were led to safety, wrapped in blankets, but those in wheelchairs were left to burn, it being the best thing for them, said a consultant.

A doctor said, "it's chaos here and we don't know what we'll find when we go back in after the fire's been put out, hopefully a lot of dead patients, ha ha ha!"

A local MP said an investigation would be launched as soon as it was safe to do so to enable similar "cleansing" operations to be undertaken at other hospitals as soon as possible. "Unfortunately, the fire was on the wrong side of the building to have killed all the patients but overall it's been a great success, the roof is falling in and there are bits falling off on to the outside."

The Royal Marsden was the first hospital in the world dedicated to the study and treatment of cancer. With The Institute of Cancer Research, it forms the largest comprehensive cancer centre in Europe, seeing more than 2 patients from the UK and 800,000 from abroad each year.

ENDS

NEWSREADER:
Today a priest was jailed for ten years for praying on young children.