Confessional Sketch

Hi Everyone, This is the 1st sketch and in fact comedy i have ever written, it will probably be more miss than hit but any feedback will be good for me in order to improve. p.s I am only 17, so try not to crush my dreams of worldwide comedy domination.

INT CHURCH CONFESSION BOX MORNING

A YOUNG MALE (19) COMES TO CONFESSIONAL TO TELL FATHER JAMES (55) HIS SINS. BOTH MEN ARE IRISH.

Young Male
Forgive me Father for I have Sinned

Father James
Tell me all son

Young Male
Well Father it was last night when I was in the middle of watching the very popular programme, Baywatch. One moment I was enjoying the "crack" and then one thing lead to another and I had used a whole box of Kleenex.

FATHER JAMES LOOKS ANGRY

Father James
This shows weakness and disrespect of God! (LONG PAUSE) But who can blame you with Tits like that, I would, Would you?

YOUNG MALE LOOKS SHOCKED

Father James
So which one was it, Pam, Carmen, Traci?

YOUNG MALE LOOKS SHOCKED YET AGAIN

Young Male
No Father it was Hasselhoff

YOUNG MALE QUICKLY EXITS THE BOX

Well it was a little crude - Wanking is a difficult thing to pull off (If you will). However, I did laugh at the punchline, so that's a good compliment.

You're at the perfect age to learn about comedy writing. When I was 17/18 I used to write mad short stories, which were quite funny, but I didn't take it further. I'm 25 now and wish that I had! I'm still young-ish though and will hopefully get somewhere before I'm 30!

The best advice I can give is to immerse yourself in watching sketch shows. See which sort of setups make you laugh. Then try to reproduce that in a different scenario.

I liked it, I didn't laugh out loud but scripts rarely make me do so. I do wonder though, why a 17 year old isn't out yet getting drunk on NYE?! As a 19 year old, I will be out shortly...and I'll be disappointed Paul is you're letting down the youth of the nation!

Thanx for the advice, Winterlight, I will take all you said into consideration and hopefully improve my writing.

I liked your sketch. It worked for me. Also I echo everything Winterlight says above.

Dont worry Charisma I wont be letting down the youth of the nation I will be celebrating NYE well into the night.

Quote: Paul Carroll @ December 31, 2007, 7:44 PM

Dont worry Charisma I wont be letting down the youth of the nation I will be celebrating NYE well into the night.

View original

Good boy!

Yes - a good one. It was only hinted at - although fairly strongly.

Agree with Winterlight.

Very good mate, well set out, easy to read. I see that you can spell and punctuate properly. You obviously haven't been to university.

As the wife of a wanker I must say I very much enjoyed this sketch!
For a first timer that was fantastic.
I love crude. Some dont. If you enjoy it then carry on being rudey.
A friend & I were pissed in the pub recently & I played the guitar while we sang a filth competition. The dirtier I got, the cruder she did. So on & so forth. 3 people left in disgust & 6 came around from the other side of the bar to join us. So Carry on with what you like Bub!

Hello Paulus welcome bien venue and so on. Have a read of the sketches on here also. There are some good, some bad and some ugly. Some say they're all bad but that isn't true. There are some talented writers so find the ones you like. Look at the comments. Also BBC Writersroom often give examples of scripts some comedy some not. And if you've been to university at 17 then I'd be surprised.

I read your second sketch before your first one... liked it.

But you can't play the "I'm 17" card for long though... I believe I had just turned 18 when I joined the forum (19 in a few weeks ).

It was a good twist of stereotypes, a classic format for sketch writing. As you write more you will actively notice yourself doing this and be able to increase the gag count.

Like Paul Watson, i read your second one first, this is very good for one so young, but what else should we expect from a scouser? Keep it up Paul.