Making the world a safer place

Retired Police Chief explaining his invention to the millionaires in ‘Dragon’s Den’.

The device is a spring loaded pick-axe handle, screwed to the ground.

An electromatronical eye is incorporised, which, when interupterated by a moving

Body, i e, a thieving little miscreant, triggers the anti-theft device

upwards at great speed, hopefully smashing the swines gonads, thereby, not only

deterring future malevolence, but also rendering the pond life unable to sire any

snivelling git offspring.

At the same time, the device alerts the local SWAT Team, to give the little bastard

another beating.

I feel like this is missing the punchline.

Off the top of my head - 20 seconds though, which is more than the rest of my scripts get what about having a kid there that he demonstrates on and then as kid is groaning he says 'what do you think'. They all just study the product and give a look of possibility.
Summink like that, anyway.

I laughed at the idea. As Marion says there is scope to expand upon it.

I like the idea and think it's funny but perhaps a really smart punchline from one of the Dragons would finish it off

It's probably not so much a sketch as a psychological rant from my youth. Never having written before I'm finding it quite illuminating how autobiographical my writing is, even the fiction.
Is it the same for other subscribers.

Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ December 31, 2007, 3:22 PM

It's probably not so much a sketch as a psychological rant from my youth. Never having written before I'm finding it quite illuminating how autobiographical my writing is, even the fiction.
Is it the same for other subscribers.

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That's where most of your ideas should come from - and exaggerate them for comic effect.

Maybe one of the Dragons could ask for a demonstration. I don't know. Yeah, I agree anyway, needs a punchline, funny though.

I liked 'incorporised' and 'interupterated'.

Quote: Jerf Roberwitz @ December 31, 2007, 3:22 PM

It's probably not so much a sketch as a psychological rant from my youth. Never having written before I'm finding it quite illuminating how autobiographical my writing is, even the fiction.
Is it the same for other subscribers.

View original

Sweet Jesus, no! If it was, then I can assure you that I would have had a breakdown by now!