‘JACK AND JOE.’.
TWO OLD WIDOWERS FEEDING THE DUCKS.
BY JERF ROBERWITZ..
JACK. I never knew women leaked.
JOE. Nor did I
JACK. Apparently they need things called Panty Liners to stem the tide.
JOE. I could do with some of them.
JACK. According to the TV, women put them in their knickers before
they go out boozin’
JOE. You’ve been watching the adult channel.
JACK. To soak up the gubbins, so it don’t stain their trousers.
What did women do in our day?
JOE. No idea, my memory’s terrible. I think I’ve got that disease,
when you can’t remember stuff; forget what they call it now.
JACK I'd sometimes see my Elsie whacking the crotch of her knickers on the
Belfast sink. Bits used to ping about the place, so whatever was
leaking, must have been oozy to start with, then forming a crust when
it got some fresh air.
JOE. Like a toddlers nose?
JACK. Then she’d lob them into a saucepan and boil them up.We were so poor
then, it was our only saucepan. The same pan she simmered my stew in
BOTH MEN SCRATCH THEIR TEETH.
JACK. Apparently the latest ones can absorb the equivalent of eight pints of
Guinness and a Kebab.
JOE. Bloody hell fire, so they can dance round their handbags all night
withou going to the toilet.
JACK. Imagine, loads of old women at the Church Hall doing the Fox Trot,
their liners gradually filling up.
JOE Do they have fuel gauges on them?
JACK. A red light or a buzzer, you mean?
JOE. No buzzers or lights, EU regulations, no electrics near liquids.
JACK. They ought to have some warning device, the poor old dears, if they
all overflowed at the same time, the band would have to play Abide
With Me, like they did when the Titanic sunk.
JOE. Fancy a pint?
