Int. Kitchen
Dan (30) is sat at his kitchen table. He is looking into the camera.
Dan: I remember once back in 1995 I..... actually it was last Tuesday. Last Tuesday I went to the doctors and..... no, that’s not right - last Tuesday I was playing golf. Aha! Aha! In September 1971 I was strutting down Oxford Street when..... oh hang on, I hadn’t actually been born then. Hmmmm, let me just check my diary.
Dan gets up and comes back smiling with an open book in his hands. He sits down.
Dan: Here it is! August 5th 2001! Ah yes! Those were certainly the days!
Dan looks up and smiles nostalgically. He then looks back down at the book and starts scanning the page.
Dan: Now, ah yes, this is the bit! “I was in the gynaecologist’s office, when he began to ask me if I was suffering from any dryness in my.....”
Dan looks at the diary very confused.
Dan: Ah, it’s not my diary! It’s the wife’s, so therefore..... Wait, do I actually have a wife?
Dan puts the diary down and shakes his head.
Dan: Anyway, I was peeling a potato back in 1707 when Samuel Pepys came bursting through the door and..... oh..... he died in 1703, so it couldn’t have been him and anyway I’m allergic to potatoes.
Dan suddenly has an idea and hits the side of his head self-mockingly.
Dan: That’s it! That’s it! It’s all come flooding back now! How could I forget! Remember Remember the 5th of November! Yes, because it was 3 days ago on the 23rd December that I forgot to turn my gas oven off.
Man smiles, takes a strained breath and then falls face first onto the table.
© Ben Ricketts 2007
