A scene from my sitcom Page 2

IMO, there weren't enough laughs (note I didn't say 'gags'; whatever style of sitcom it is, quick-fire gags á la Not Going Out or observational non-forced stuff á la The Office, there still need to be some noteable snorters). It seemed a bit tired and laboured (e.g. the rohypnol reference, one of the most knee-jerk 'witticisms' around today and certainly not worthy of straight inclusion in a sitcom). It seems to be an odd mix of 'what you know' - uni life - with some odd-ball 'twists' thrown in - e.g. he has bipolar disorder. That seemed a little awkward to me. Certainly get rid of it immediately if you have no direct experience of the condition. What is the sitcom's base? Is it plot-centric or character-centric? Both should be strong. What is the plot - does it build up to anything, have any farce action? It wasn't badly written, but it seems to me the whole concept is just a bit weak.

But how much can you tell from a script what is funny? Surely only the obvious 'jokes'? If you sat down and read the script for The Office for example, how much of it would seem funny? How can you explain the visual humour of characters interacting and their facial expressions? I don't just mean in my script, but in any script at all. Things that would seem unfunny become funny when you see it.

The idea for this script.....in almost all shows you see, all the characters know each other, or quickly become acquainted. In this, none of the characters know each other. The idea is that the character development will be intriguing and exciting because you learn about the characters as they learn about each other. It is different to most things you normally see. But like I have said, I think I'm heading towards a comedy-drama because that will be more suitable for my style.

Thanks again for everyones feedback - it is always much appreciated.

Quote: charisma @ December 29, 2007, 10:35 PM

But how much can you tell from a script what is funny? Surely only the obvious 'jokes'? If you sat down and read the script for The Office for example, how much of it would seem funny? How can you explain the visual humour of characters interacting and their facial expressions? I don't just mean in my script, but in any script at all. Things that would seem unfunny become funny when you see it.

The idea for this script.....in almost all shows you see, all the characters know each other, or quickly become acquainted. In this, none of the characters know each other. The idea is that the character development will be intriguing and exciting because you learn about the characters as they learn about each other. It is different to most things you normally see. But like I have said, I think I'm heading towards a comedy-drama because that will be more suitable for my style.

Thanks again for everyones feedback - it is always much appreciated.

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I think that is a lot of the problem in trying to get stuff placed. The writer knows how the lines should be said and as you say, each characters facial expression.
A good example of this is the Royle Family, that is so not funny on the page but extremely funny off, and Caroline Aherne would have had no chance with it had she not been 'in' and able to act out with the cast a full episode in front of directors/producers. I don't really know how one gets around it. Also I think gags in a sitcom are very Americanish, English sitcoms are more of what comes from the character rather than jokes.
In my own writing, I do mainly Lancashire accent and I can't even imagine how a posh London editor would read them in her/his head. But I guess we all have this problem.

Quote: bushbaby @ December 29, 2007, 10:53 PM

In my own writing, I do mainly Lancashire accent and I can't even imagine how a posh London editor would read them in her/his head. But I guess we all have this problem.

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Not being patronising but could you write it almost phonetically to get the idea across?

Quote: bushbaby @ December 29, 2007, 10:53 PM

I think that is a lot of the problem in trying to get stuff placed. The writer knows how the lines should be said and as you say, each characters facial expression.
A good example of this is the Royle Family, that is so not funny on the page but extremely funny off, and Caroline Aherne would have had no chance with it had she not been 'in' and able to act out with the cast a full episode in front of directors/producers. I don't really know how one gets around it. Also I think gags in a sitcom are very Americanish, English sitcoms are more of what comes from the character rather than jokes.
In my own writing, I do mainly Lancashire accent and I can't even imagine how a posh London editor would read them in her/his head. But I guess we all have this problem.

View original

This is exactly what I mean - The Royle Family is the perfect example - it seems like such a problem because in the writers head they know its funny, but when someone else reads it, it often doesn't feel the same.

Oh, what a difficult world we live in...

Quote: bushbaby @ December 29, 2007, 10:53 PM

Also I think gags in a sitcom are very Americanish, English sitcoms are more of what comes from the character rather than jokes.

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I agree. Situations are funnier than gags. You might as well have a stand up.

Quote: David Chapman @ December 29, 2007, 11:44 PM

Not being patronising but could you write it almost phonetically to get the idea across?

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No, that's a definite no-no David. It patronises the actor so one can only put the odd 'phonetic' in to get the gist

Another thing about that is, when I cast my plays for the London productions the actress I picked was Irish but the play was Lancashire. So I wrote a few lines phonetically sort of like...summat and ...gerroff etc. She looked at me blankly and said...but I'll still say 'summat' in my Irish lilt as I can't do Lancashire, and that's true isn't it?