A sketch 'BATHTIME'

Wasn't going to post this, but if I do, it means I put off starting work for a few more minutes.

INT: BATHROOM - NIGHT.
STEVE is on his knees bathing baby ARCHIE.

STEVE
Where's your sponge, hm? Where....O, there it is.

AMANDA enters the room.

STEVE
Look Archie, auntie Amanda's come to help give you your bath..

AMANDA
Not in this suit she hasn't. I just came to watch from the side lines. Say hi to my Archie before he goes to bed.

STEVE
O. Well, as you're here, you couldn't get me a towel could you? There's one in Archie's room.

AMANDA
Does he have a favourite?

STEVE
He's only one. Of course he doesn't have a favourite.

Amanda turns to leave.

STEVE
There might be one with poo on. Avoid that one.

Amanda exits.

STEVE
Ready to get out now?

Amanda enters holding a colourful towel.

AMANDA
I got Buzz.

STEVE
I think that's the one with poo on.

AMANDA
Think you'll find it's Buzz... I may not have kids, but I know the difference between Buzz Lightyear and Winnie the Pooh.... See..

STEVE
I can see what you've done there.

AMANDA
O God. You didn't mean...

She pulls the towel slowly away from her suit.

AMANDA
Shit.

STEVE
We er... Like to say poo... In front of the baby. For future...

Amanda storms out angrily.

STEVE
...Reference...

Steve looks at the towel on the floor. He shouts after Amanda.

STEVE
And that isn't Buzz... It's Spongebob.

Haha, I did like that.

Hehe -- funny!

Like it. Think it would fit in well in the 'Man/Woman' or 'Spoons' relationshippy sort of comedy. Maybe even 'Bearded Ladies' when that starts asking for submissions again.

Well constructed and straight-to-the-point. Well done.

Dan

I had material in the last series of bearded ladies swerytd, and have since been informed by the producer that for the next series they would not be accepting outside submissions like they have previously. Obviously they may have changed their mind by now, this was a few months ago, but she seemed pretty certain. Which is a bummer, as there arent many other radio shows that do, apart from the topical, satirical style shows.

Hi Matt

Didn't someone say (on here I'm pretty sure), that 'Recorded For Training Purposes' would (hopefully) be open to submissions if this series is successful.

It'd be a shame if 'Bearded Ladies' were to stop the open submissions. Not that they've ever liked any of my stuff.

The tutor off my sketch-writing course suggested writing a number of sketches in the same vein (ie for 'Spoons' or 'Swinging') and sending them in to the production companies. Though I suppose that's a version of 'Percussive Maintenance' (or hitting something repetitively until it works).

He also suggested that during the credits, if you notice seven or more writers they'll probably at least consider sketches. Not sure how true this is, but I noticed on 'Man/Woman' they had about 100 writers!

Dan

Quote: swerytd @ December 15, 2006, 9:20 AM

He also suggested that during the credits, if you notice seven or more writers they'll probably at least consider sketches. Not sure how true this is, but I noticed on 'Man/Woman' they had about 100 writers!

View original

It's hard to believe that that many writers could churn out such pap isn't it?

Are there any other shows on the radio that accept sketches, apart from the satirical ones, or is that about it?

At the risk of sounding like an old person who has his thumb on the pulse of modern comedy I have to say I was always told sketches or jokes about excrement would never get on. A little goes a long way, they said. Did that change and nobody told me? I'm not keen on writing them anyway, it's an age thing. I look at babies and think 'there but for the grace...'
By the way, Swerytd, your tutor is right, in my experience. I first got started by calling the Weekending office at Broadcasting House and asking how I could write for the show. They had thirty writers listed, many in the Radio Times. I was invited to the script meeting on the following Wednesday and never looked back. Until now, that is.

Quote: Charlie Adams @ December 15, 2006, 9:53 AM

At the risk of sounding like an old person who has his thumb on the pulse of modern comedy I have to say I was always told sketches or jokes about excrement would never get on. A little goes a long way, they said. Did that change and nobody told me?

View original

You could be right Charlie, I have no idea what the rules are. Although I don't find a little bit of baby poo anywhere near as offensive as Little Britain's incontinent woman. Mind you, that's probably more offensive as it just isn't funny.

Quote: swerytd @ December 15, 2006, 9:20 AM

Hi Matt

Didn't someone say (on here I'm pretty sure), that 'Recorded For Training Purposes' would (hopefully) be open to submissions if this series is successful.

Dan

View original

IIve heard that, and if its true will be good, though seems to go against the whole point of the original competition. I thought the winners would be joining a few other writers, thats the prize, not that then everyone else could carry on submitting! Still, I hope its true, as there are so few shows openly looking ffor new writers material.

hehe I did like that sketch I think it would work well in many ways...but maybe not stage lol

I'm with the Scatterbrained Floozy girl about this tight little sketch. Although for one moment I thought it was going to borrrow too heavily on 'Who's on first' thankfully, it didn't. I think this excellent piece of writing works on every level. Good stuff.

woo! i have an excellent name! I know exactly what you mean-i just hope noone nicks it or has something similar already in the pipleine

Thanks for the very generous comments. I have no idea what 'who's on first is' so perhaps I should check it out?

It's from Abbott and Costello and is generally regarded as one of their most funniest routines. The following link is the complete text and hopefully you'll understand why I thought it was an appropriate comparison.

http://fisher.osu.edu/~tomassini_1/whofirst.html

Thanks Baumski. It was, in my view, a bit heavy going. Probably works better when they do it.