I wrote this sketch a couple of months ago, but had forgotten about it. It's a pastiche of a scene from a cult film called 'Two Lane Blacktop'. It's perhaps a bit too similar to be original, but there we go.
Two Lane Blacktop Homage
Ext. Dual Carriageway – 3pm
A classic American car, driven by The Jackal (40), is driving down the road. A ‘new age’ hitchhiker, Joey (30), is on the side of the road trying to get a lift. The car slows down and the passenger door opens.
Cut to:
Int. The Jackal’s Car – 3pm
Joey pokes his head into the car. The Jackal looks at him.
The Jackal: Which way you heading?
Joey: Towards enlightenment, man.
The Jackal: Will Cleethorpes, do yer?
Joey: That’ll do.
Joey gets in the car and The Jackal moves off.
Joey: These are some nice wheels you’ve got here.
The Jackal: Damn right, boy! 325 break horse power, Twin turbo 3.8 V8 engine, compression ratio of 10.4 to 1 and maximum torque of 300 newton metres (BEAT) that’s what the salesman said anyway.
Joey: Hey, d’you mind if I just adjust the seat? I’m just gonna take a nap.
The Jackal: Knock yourself out.
Joey readjusts his seat so he is in a reclined position. He slowly edges his hand onto The Jackal’s knee, who immediately smacks it off.
The Jackal: NOT IN THIS CAR!
Joey: Oh C’mon, you looked stressed. I thought it’d take your mind off whatever’s bothering you.
The Jackal: Look! I don’t got no time for these shenanigans. I’m in a cross country race and THIS is driving time.
The Jackal holds up his watch.
The Jackal: It’s already 3pm and I gotta keep going. There’s no time. No time for...that.
There are a few moments of silence and then Joey again puts his hand on The Jackal’s knee. The Jackal smacks it away.
The Jackal: GODDAMN, BOY! What did I tell you?!
Joey: I thought you were just being a tease.
The Jackal stares dead ahead.
Joey: This isn’t gonna change things between us is it?
The Jackal: You’re too much of a risk. I’m kicking you out at the next burger van.
Joey starts grumbling and looks a little sulky. After a few seconds, The Jackal looks at his watch in confusion.
The Jackal: Did they...was it...last night? Didn’t the clocks go back last night?
Joey: Yeah, they did. Why?
The Jackal: Damnit! I forgot to change my watch. That means its only 2pm. Hmmmm. That means....
Joey: (Getting excited) What? What?!
The Jackal: Looks like I changed my mind.
The Jackal puts on his indicators and pulls over. Joey looks overjoyed and his head starts bowing down to perform an oral sex act. The Jackal puts his hand out to halt him
The Jackal: But make it quick. And sloppy.
© Ben Ricketts 2007
