The God Interview

Scene- interviewer and God who is female. Theme music-excerpt from Jupiter- Planet Suite- Gustav Holst.

Brian: Good evening and welcome to Heavenly Bodies. This week, we have a world exclusive. The first interview with the all-powerful deity God. Welcome.

God: Good evening.

Brian: God, firstly let me say what a privilege it is to have you on the programme.

God: Thank you.

Brian: But tell me, why has it taken so long, some 20 million years in fact, for you to come forward and reveal yourself to what are, your people?

God: Well Brian, just too busy really. You know it’s not easy running the universe and bringing up three kids.

Brian: Really? You have children?

God: Oh yes. Frank junior, Kylie and Britney.

Brian: So there’s a Mr God then?

God: Well there was, but he cleared off soon after Britney was born.

Brian: Right, well may I ask where do you all live? Or perhaps live is the wrong word. Exist perhaps.

God: Bermondsey.

Brian: Bermondsey.

God: Bermondsey.

Brian: Surely God lives beyond the universe. Or is in fact omni-present. Some viewers may doubt your authenticity.

God: Oh yeh. Watch this. [Sfx- gong]

Brian: Good God! [They appear on the moon. Sfx-gong. They return]

God: Clever isn’t it.

Brian: Well that was something. Right, wow. So I guess you are God. So while you’re here it would be amiss of me not to ask the question. How was the universe created and why are we here?

God: Well that’s two question’s actually Brian. But basically the universe and the human race were accidents.

Brian: Accidents?

God: I was doing the washing up and all of a sudden Frank junior rushes downstairs and say’s ‘I think I’ve messed up my chemistry homework mum’ and Bob’s your uncle we have a universe. A few chemical reactions later and you lot appeared.

Brian: So in fact it was Frank Junior who created the universe.

God: Oh yes. I just looked after it for him.

Brian: So let me get this right. Frank Junior was our creator?

God: Yeh. But he lost interest in maintaining the delicate balance of matter and anti-matter, making sure the galaxies didn’t collide and so on. You know what kid’s are like. He was the same with the tropical fish. So I said I’d look after it for him. It’s a great icebreaker at parties.
“What do you do?”
“Well I’m an all powerful deity actually. Want to come and see my planets?”
That kind of thing.

Brian: Right, good. Most interesting. What about the Bible then? The word of God. And of course Jesus the son of God

God: Oh yes. Good isn’t it. I put that together in my creative writing class. It was well received. I based the Jesus character on a young Brad Pitt. I’m addicted to hobbies really. I think it comes from spending so much time at home with the children.

Brian: And future plans? Judgement Day? An end to all suffering?

God: Pottery. I find it so therapeutic.

I saw the title of the thread and I got quite excited as I liked the idea a lot. I did like the idea that God is quite laid back and relaxed (and being a woman was a nice twist on the 'norm'). But I didn't feel the sketch reached it's full potential. A bit more work on it, but that could be a gem if executed well.

I really liked this one.
Play with it (as the vicar said to the call girl) as I think that you could have something quite brilliant going on.

It didn't keep my interest and I subsequently stopped reading about half way through.

I didn't feel that the jokes were strong enough - I mean the bit about God having kids with 'chav' names is a joke that's been done to death over the last couple of years. Although not with God!

And God being a woman? I didn't find it that subversive. Dogma had God as a woman. Perhaps if you'd have had God as a heron, then maybe that would have been original. But, unfortunately it seems as though you need to own some sort of license to be surreal - how you obtain one, I just don't know!

Quote: Winterlight @ December 20, 2007, 8:44 AM

Perhaps if you'd have had God as a heron, then maybe that would have been original.

View original

But then God would not be interviewed on TV. She would be caught and ringed and would vomit on you if you passed under her nest. Herons do that.

Hi roscoff

I like the idea but it reads like a first draft.

Liked the Frank Junior bit but, as said, picking three 'current pop' names is a bit tired. You'd be better selecting three names from different bits of popular history (Eve, Genghis, Frank Jnr or something).

The bible bit would have been funnier if it was the 'other' kid's English homework that they had to finish, portraying God as this person that finished all the kids' projects and that's what basically started the whole universe.

It's not got a 'big' ending either. You could do with a big, unexpected laugh to finish off and I think that's missing.

As said though, I think the idea is a good one. Just needs a bit more work.

Hope this is useful

Dan

I don't think I've had a sketch panned quite as much as this one, but if you put it out there I guess you have to be prepared to take it. Otherwise stay behind your computer! Actualy there's some good tips here so thanks for taking the time although I've talked to God and she says you're just a bunch of w*nkers That's women for you! I'll re-visit this one soon and because I still quite like the idea see if I can tighten it up. Thanks again I hate you all!

The more criticism you take, the better you'll become, the less the criticism hurts Once you're perfect then you can dish out the advice!

Writing is rewriting. Then rewriting. Then rewriting some more. That's all this needs -- don't give up on it as it *is* a good idea (I think)

Dan

Don't think the criticism was that bad!! I think the crux of the matter is that it's a good idea, but an idea (a variation upon which) everybody's already had. So it needs to be sublime for people to be impressed. Consequently, I would have thought, rather than a simple redraft to polish it up, the fundamentals need to be revised - I'd have a proper brainstorm about inverting the religious ideas. God as a woman, god as a black man - it's been done before. How about God in a wheelchair? He did his back in on Sunday. I don't know. Of course, there's practically infinite scope for anything you want to throw at it. I think it needs more, and original, ideas. Pack 'em in. Of course it has the potential to be very powerful. I certainly look forward to seeing another attempt at it.

I did an interview with jesus much like that.. it's a not a bad sketch just needs a bit of work.