Christmas Nativity

Scene. A private girls primary school carol service. There is a choir suitably dressed in smart uniform. Enter the head.

Miss Robottom: Good evening and welcome to St. Augustines nativity play. A special warm welcome to Mr. Jenkins whose first year this is with us. I shall now hand you over to him. Mr Jenkins.

Mr Jenkins:[Comb over national health specs.] We'd like to start with an old favourite, which I'm sure you'll recognise. Feel free to join in.

[We hear a gentle piano intro while Jenkins straps on an electric guitar. He plays a few gentle strums then

Jenkins: [Thrash metal style] We don't wish you a merry christmas
We don't wish you a merry christmas
We don't wish you a merry christmas
But a p*ssed up New Year

Choir: [Flicking v's to audience] F*ck you F*ck you
F*ck you F*ck You
F*ck you F*ck you
F*ck you F*ck you

Jenkins: [ rapping] Rudolph was a reindeer
With a harness round his neck
Then all the other reindeer
Pinned him down for anal sex

Choir: [Holding crotch] F*ck you F*ck you
F*ck you F*ck You
F*ck you F*ck you
F*ck you F*ck youooooo!

[Silence. Pan around to parents open mouths. There is one clap.]

Jenkins: CD's are for sale in the foyer.

END OF SCENE.

Probably a bit to Rock School but hey ho.

I like it. :-) Jolly good sketch.

Where can I get the CD?

I liked this made me smile

I liked this very much-made me smile! Nice work. Would love to see that filmed! Q!

Go. Shoot it. Solid sketch.

Love the rap. Think it would work great on the latest version of the Live Aid 'do They Know It's Christmas'. Do you reckon you could be a bit more creative with the swearing? I'm not sure if that would make it more or less funny though. I just had it in my head that a choir using split harmonies and the odd 'pissflaps' or 'rimming' or whatever inserted at appropriate times in the narrative might be more jaw-droppingly cringeworthy. (...on a somewhat related note I've been reading the Profanisaurus recently and particularly like 'casting Churchill's reflection' as a euphemism for 'going for a shit'...)
I always had actions to do at primary school with Christmas songs. Maybe the kids could bend their partner over and simulate anal sex in the second half?
'We wish you a shitty Christmas' or something would scan better than 'We Don't Wish You A Merry Christmas', too, though I suppose it's a less gentle introduction to the theme of the sketch.

Anyway, pardon my inane ramblings, I enjoyed it, though I suspect I shouldn't.

I like the idea of the pupils simulating the anal sex bit after the rap. Should we be talking about this? Too goddamn late now!