Concerned Teacher

I quite like this one even if I do say so myself-the idea at least.

Scene 1. Int. Classroom [18:00]

A TEACHER IS SITTING AT THEIR DESK. BENS [THE CHILD] MOTHER IS SITTING AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DESK, THERE IS AN EMPTY CHAIR NEXT TO HER.

TEACHER
Thanks for coming Ms Smith, I’m afraid Ben is showing some cause for concern. Now, I understand the difficulties single parents face bringing up their children…

MRS SMITH
I’m sorry to interrupt, but, I’m not a single parent. Ben’s dad is just parking the car-we were running a little late.

TEACHER
[SURPRISED] Oh! Ok-I am sorry Mrs Smith, I hope I haven’t offended you, it’s just, Ben’s recent work, is showing signs of a, um, troubled child.

THE TEACHER SHOWS BEN’S MUM A PICTURE DRAWN BY BEN. ON IT THERE IS BENS NAME AND AGE WRITTEN BY THE TEACHER. BEN HAS DRAWN HIMSELF DRESSED AS A GIRL.

TEACHER
This is a picture Ben drew last week. This is why I had to call you in today; he is clearly a very confused little boy. I think it may be worth getting Ben’s Dad to have a chat with him, man to man.
IN WALKS BENS DAD DRESSED AS A WOMAN

MR SMITH
[CAMP VOICE] Hiya! So sorry I’m late, what have I missed?

HE SITS DOWN AND PICKS UP BENS PICTURE

MR SMITH
[CONCERNED] Did Ben draw this? [PAUSE] It’s fantastic!

END

The best ending of the lot. Nice visual gag. Again the dialogue is a bit wordy in my opinion, but the idea is a good one.

This made me laugh in a couple of places and smile all the way through - not bad for a couple of minutes of sketch, eh?
Good work.

Good sketch Q.

Good job, Q-Tip. I think you should change the last word to 'fabulous' though.

Liked this a lot. In my humble opinion there's no need for a camp voice. The more matter of fact the dad is the better.

I agree. No camp voice.

Good sketch. Thumbs up from me. :-)

very good

Hello Everyone!

Thanks ever so much for all of your replies! I agree about the Dad not having a camp voice. I originaly wrote it so he was butch but then fell in the trap of changing the script as I had an actor in mind for the part who would be hilarious as a camp Dad-something I'll remember to avoid in the future.

David-I love you're suggestion of changing the ending to the word 'fabulous' i'll be borrowing that idea if you don't mind

Thanks again!

Q!

Nice one

yeah, make him a bit of a swarthy old bugger like Frank Gallagher.

Maybe Mr Smith could complement the teacher on HIS hair, women always seem to compliment each other on meeting, usually hair related and work there way down.

A bit of man on man appreciation?

Yep. Very funny.