Baby

Hello Everyone! I've written a few more sketches that I'd lik to share with you all, if I may be so bold. Hope you enjoy them. Any feedback is both welcomed and appreciated! Q!

Scene 1. Ext. High Street [14:00]

A MOTHER IS CRADLING HER BABY WHILST SHOPPING WHEN SHE BUMPS INTO A FRIEND.

FRIEND
Awwww-look at you two. [LOOKING AT THE BABY] Oh, isn’t she gorgeous. How are you doing? Mother and baby both well I hope.

MOTHER
I’m in need of a good sleep but other than that everything is just perfect thank you.

FRIEND
Have you decided on a name yet? Last time I saw you, you hadn’t quite decided.

MOTHER
Well, I spoke to Dave and we agreed that my Mum has just been fantastic to us both so we decided to name her after her.

FRIEND
Oh, that is such a lovely idea-Linda is such a pretty name for a girl.

MOTHER
Oh, she’s not called Linda, we thought it was a little old fashioned so we’ve called her Mum.

END

I liked the gag - very funny. As a sketch I think there are too many words in it. Try reading it aloud and I'm sure you'll find bits to trim.

I feel like I just say everything that Badge says but that was a cracker.
(private note to Badge - can't you stop writing good stuff to make me appear more interesting?!)

To me it feels like the springboard for a joke rather then a joke in itself. I'm thinking of the confusion that having a baby named 'mum' would cause.

Quote: David Bussell @ December 14, 2007, 9:26 AM

To me it feels like the springboard for a joke rather then a joke in itself. I'm thinking of the confusion that having a baby named 'mum' would cause.

View original

You're right! I came up with the idea and struggled somewhat to think of a clever situation in which to get to the punch line more efficiently and quicker. I wanted to perhaps get in the line 'glad to hear mum and mum are doing well' a play on mum and baby doing well but it didnt quite fit.

Perhaps this would be better set in the situation where they are sorting out the birth certificate or at the christening? The problem I have is I am writing these sketches to film for my MA and therefore have to stick to places that will be accessable or filming. It can limit creativity somewhat!

Thanks again! Q!

I didn't think the dialogue flowed as smoothly as it could have. You just need to read it back to yourself out loud. I always do that and often spend quite a long time deciding on whether the words produce a believable rhythm.

Also, I didn't think the idea of a baby called 'Mum' was that funny.

Didn't think it was THAT awkward. Maybe a little trimming. Saw the joke coming though. Didn't make me laugh but works relatively well in my head. Among a selection of sketches I'd say this would be the one for the chop though.

Actually the gag works fine in a real life situation. A few years back friends of mine had a boy and at the same time a relative passed away. When it came to discussing names for the baby, somebody suggested naming the child after the relative that had just died to which they replied "why should we call our son uncle?"

This was and is a true story which makes this sketch work on every absurd level.

What Baumski said.....

I didn't see the punchline

I actually thought the baby would be called 'Dave' or something blokey for an eyebrow raising 'You're Mother's called Dave'? ending