Our Survey Said...

SCENE: FAMILY FORTUNES SET. FIRST ROUND: LES DENNIS IS STOOD BEHIND THE TABLE, WITH A MEMBER FROM EACH FAMILY, AT EACH SIDE READY TO BUZZ IN.

LES:
We surveyed 100 people and asked them this question. So, fingers on buzzers, we're looking for: 'Things you might keep in a pencil case.'

SLIGHT PAUSE. DAVE SMITH BUZZES IN.

DAVE SMITH:
Erm... a ruler.

LES:
We're looking for 'a ruler.' Our survey said:

URR-URR NOISE. CROSS APPEARS ON SCREEN BEHIND.

LES:
It's not there.

DAVE SMITH SHRUGS.

LES:
Trevor? If you get this you can gain control of the board.

TREVOR:
Er... leaves?

LES:
Leaves?

TREVOR:
I used to keep leaves in my pencil case.

LES:
Ok, we're looking for: leaves. Our survey said:

DING DING. BOTTOM ANSWER.

LES:
Ok, inexplicably, you have control. Do you want to play or pass?

TREVOR:
I think we'll play!

MONTAGE SEQUENCE

MOTHER: Hairspray?

DING DING!

BROTHER:
Ooh, er... parking tickets?

DING DING!

SISTER:
Slippers!

DING DING!

WHEN IT COMES TO THE GRANDMOTHER, SHE PAUSES FOR TOO LONG AND LOSES A LIFE. THIS HAPPENS TO THE GRANDDAD AND ONE OTHER FAMILY MEMBER.

LES:
Ok Smiths, you have a chance to steal.

SMITH 1:
Bottle of water?

SMITH 2:
Car steering wheel?

SMITH 3:
Complete works of Shakespeare?

SMITH 4:
Dust buster?

DAVE SMITH:
Pencils. Why has noone said pencils? Are you insane?

LES:
Are you going for pencils?

DAVE:
Yes.

LES:
We're looking for pencils. Our survey said:

URR-URR. WRONG ANSWER.

LES:
I can tell you the top answer was 'coconuts.'

DAVE:
Coconuts wouldn't even fit inside a pencil case!

LES:
They're small ones, aren't they?

LES WALKS OVER TO THE OTHER FAMILY. PAN ACROSS SO WE SEE THE NAME OF THE OTHER FAMILY: THE DENNISES.

LES:
Ok Dennis family, you're going on to play Big Money!
(WHISPERS TO FAMILY) Don't let nan or granddad do it, they're rubbish.

ENDS

I dont get it. Sorry, The punchline fizzled out and didnt do anything for me either.

Oh plus side it did move along quite nicely, but maybe a better pay off like Dennis having backhander or some thing I dunno.

Quote: Gavin @ December 11, 2007, 6:42 PM

I dont get it.

View original

It's Les's family! (The Dennises)
I admit it wasn't that funny, but I'm surprised you don't even understand it.

I thought it was funny. I'm not a regular viewer of Family Fortunes but I got it. I think it would be sharper if it was shorter, and I think it could end with the reveal that it's his family rather than the, 'don't let nan do it' line.

God, I sound like a real sad-case now. "It is funny, honest!" Pff!

The Dennis Family!!

Nice and clean

Maybe the opposing family could be the Morrisey's or the Holdens and thus the line of survey questioning could be marriage or things you'd do to Neil Morrisey, related.

I know it's a few years since the whole affair but....

Just a thought

It's flowed nicely, but I'm confused about the intention? Was Les trying to help his family or not? Sorry, I'm not with it today.

Yeah, he was. The answers are all absurd ones that noone could get unless they'd been told.

I tried to hammer home the link with Dennis and the family with:
"LES:
Ok Dennis family, you're going on to play Big Money!
(WHISPERS TO FAMILY) Don't let nan or granddad do it, they're rubbish."
But really, it's not a particularly good sketch, it just grew from me chuckling to myself imagining the topic "things you would find in a pencil case" and a family member becoming irate that noone had said "pencils"! If I really wanted it to work it would need a re-write.