Bike Shop Sketch

The ending is somewhat of a steal, but better out than in I suppose.

Int. Bike Shop

Rich (40) walks into the shop. Behind the counter is the owner, Henry (35).

Rich: Hello, I'd like to buy a bike.

Henry: And why not, sir!

Henry goes under the counter and pulls out a pike which he slams down on the counter.

Rich: What's this.

Henry: I'm sorry?

Rich: This! What is it?!

Henry: It's what you asked for.

Rich: No it isn't.

Henry: It is! You asked for a bike so I gave you a.....I gave you a....pike. Ah.

Rich: Exactly. It's not a bike is it.

Henry: It has got 21 gears though.

Rich: No it hasn't. The pike is propelled by fin undulations, certainly not a derailleur gear shift system.

Henry picks up the pike and smacks Rich round the face with it. Rich falls to the floor.

Henry: Smartarse.

"Rich: No it hasn't. The pike is propelled by fin undulations, certainly not a derailleur gear shift system."

I liked that line, I always like those kind of lines. But the rest was a bit daft. I think you should try again, because you might have a nice little sketch her for your collection.

Agree with leevil, that's the (really good!) funny line but needs another couple to make it a viable sketch.

Dan

It's a damn good line, isn't it! I can't really think of any other scenario that I could use it in unfortunately.

It certaintly is daft and was inspired by Monty Python sillyness - particularly the fish slap at the end.

It's not a great sketch, but at least I did get one good line out of it. Albeit one that I can't really use elsewhere!

It could be used as a line by two racing commentators.

Commentator 1: Here comes Harrison on lane one.
Commentator 2: Jones on lane 2, catching up behind.
Commentator 1: Unusual choice of bike Jones is using.
Commentator 2: Yes, it's been a long time since I've seen a pike being used.
Commentator 1: I heard it has 21 gears.
Commentator 2: No it hasn't. The pike is propelled by fin undulations, certainly not a derailleur gear shift system.
Commentator 1: Why do you always try and put me down Mike? They're the ones in competition, not us.

Or something like that anyway.

There you go, four candles.

I had a few ideas in the bath this morning and rewrote it to this:

Int. Bike Shop

Rich (40) walks into the shop. Behind the counter is the owner, Henry (35).

Rich: Hello, I'd like to buy a bike.

Henry: I'm sorry?

Rich: I'd like to buy a bike

Henry: A what?

Rich: It's a pedal powered, metallic vehicle with two wheels which are connected to an interconnecting framework.

Henry: Oh! A bike! Well, I think I’ve got just the thing here for you.

Henry goes under the counter and pulls out a pike which he slams down on the counter.

Rich: What's this.

Henry: I'm sorry?

Rich: This! What is it?!

Henry: It's what you asked for.

Rich: No it isn't.

Henry: It is! You asked for a bike so I gave you a.....I gave you a....Percy. Ah.

Rich: A Percy?

Henry: Yeah. That's his name. Percy.

Rich: I think you'll find, that its name is Esox Lucius.

Henry: Are you sure?

Rich: Yes! It's the carnivorous fish Esox Lucius of the genus Esox. Or to people like you - a pike.

Henry: Ah right, that probably explains why he never comes back when I call him.

Rich: Look, regardless of all this nonsense, it's still not a bike is it.

Henry: Well, it has got 21 gears.

Rich: No it hasn't. The pike is propelled by fin undulations, certainly not a derailleur gear shift system.

Henry picks up the pike and smacks Rich round the face with it. Rich falls to the floor.

Henry: Smartarse.

© Ben Ricketts 2007

I prefered the original which exercised brevity and pace. Good stuff.

Perhaps you're right, Baumski.

I get quite confused over which script is best when I do a couple of versions!

I thought the first attempt was better, it rattled along quite nicely, I liked it but I thought the weak bit was the end. I don't think the fish slap was quite enough of a punchline. Could be just that visual humour like that isn't my cup of tea.

As an aside I come up with ideas in the bath too. :-)

Do you shout "Eureka"? No, neither do I.

Quote: TootingJo @ December 12, 2007, 1:09 PM

I don't think the fish slap was quite enough of a punchline.

View original

It brought to mind the fish slapping sketch the Python team did with Michael Palin being swotted into the water. I guess what appealed to me was that it wasn't such a weak tag but I guess that's just down to personal preference.

Here's the problem - I read 'pike' as in 'medieval weapon', and was thinking, 'fin undulations...?'

And I agree, the original draft was better.

I think I'll stick with the first one. It's not one of my best, but for some reason it bugged me, so I had to fiddle with it. Maybe I can save it for a BSG Sketch competition one day....

Maybe Ben, maybe...