The Call Center

INT. SALES OFFICE FOR FITTED KITCHENS DIRECT LTD.

SALESWOMAN:
(DIALS NUMBER)
Hi, I'm Jo phoning from Fitted Kitchens Direct. We're currently in your... (INTERRUPTED) Oh okay I'm sorry to have bothered you.
(PUTS PHONE DOWN AND DIALS NEW NUMBER)

SALESWOMAN:
Hi, I'm Jo phoning from Fitted Kitchens Direct. (INTERRUPTED WITH WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS ABUSE). Well I don't think that's physically possible sir. I'm very sorry to have bothered you.
(PUTS DOWN PHONE AND DIALS AGAIN)

SALESWOMAN:
For once I'd Just like somebody who doesn't tell me to piss off!

CUT TO INT. HALLWAY OF HOUSE WE SEE A PHONE RINGING. WE SEE A HAND PICK UP THE RECIEVER

MR HOSKINS:
(ANSWERS PHONE)
Hello (Exasperated voice)

CUT BACK TO SALES OFFICE

SALESWOMAN:
Hi, I'm Jo phoning on behalf of Fitted Kitchens direct. Are you Mr Hoskins?

MR HOSKINS:
Erm, I'm Mr Hoskins.

SALESWOMAN:
I was just phoning to tell you about our... (INTERRUPTED)

MR HOSKINS:
Fitted Kitchens Direct! Do you fit kitchens then?

SALESWOMAN:
Well yes.

CUT BACK TO HALLWAY. WE SEE THE BLACKENED FACE OF MR HOSKINS

MR HOSKINS:
Thank god you called?
(SLOW PAN BACK TO REVEAL MR HOSKINS HOLDING A SAUCEPAN, WITH SMOKE COMING FROM EVERYWHERE AND HIM BLACKENED. AS COMEDICALLY AS POSSIBLE TO SHOW HIS KITCHEN HAS JUST EXPLODED)

SALESWOMAN:
Excuse me?

MR HOSKINS:
Yes thank god you called, because my kitchen just exploded. Everythings ruined and in pieces.

SALESWOMAN:
Your kitchen just exploded. (Disbelieving) Like right now, just before you answered the phone?

MR HOSKINS:
Yes!

SALESWOMAN:
And you want me to get my company to come round and fit you a new kitchen do you?

MR HOSKINS:
Well yes, my kitchen's is like gone. And I'll need a new one. You can't not have a kitchen can you!

SALESWOMAN:
Look mate. I spend all day getting told too "F off", or "Get myself a proper job" or even to "Shove those chrome taps up my arse and die bitch". So the last thing I need is some joker claiming they actually want a new fitted kitchen.

MR HOSKINS:
I really do want a new kitchen.

SALESWOMAN:
Yeah like that's ever gonna to happen. Now piss off! (Slams down phone)

I really liked this.

Good character comedy, bit like Mitchell and Webb.

I thought the saleswoman might have asked for "Mrs Hoskins". They always seem to get the sex wrong. And maybe the ending could have been a bit sharper.

But it's a great idea and I could see it working well on television.

I thought it was good too. I'd just trim it a bit, like losing the 'I don't think that's physically possible' gag, as that's a bit heard-it-before-y. I didn't guess the twist, so it worked well for me.

Yep, what they said. Very nice.