I don't know what to make of this one. It's the result of me 'jamming' with dialogue!
Int. A dark and dingy room.
Samuel Escobar, your stereotypical Bond villain, is stood against the back wall of a room which is empty but for two chairs. The door opens and in walks a henchman with Harry (40) and Jess (28).
Henchman: Here they are, sir. The intruders we found in section 12.
Samuel: Ok. You can leave us to it now.
Samuel beckons for Harry and Jess to sit in the two chairs.
Samuel: So, you thought you could just waltz right in here and interfere with my plans for world domination did you?
Harry turns to Jess.
Harry: Did you hear that? He thinks I can waltz.
Jess: (Laughs) I know, I know! You can barely polka!
Harry: Do you remember that time at.....
Samuel: Don't try your little games with me. They won’t work. Now, who are you?!
Harry: Who am I? Yes, that's a very good question to be asking in a situation like this.
Harry turns to Jess.
Harry: (Continues) It's a magnificent question to be asking isn't it?
Jess: Positively sublime. So, do you know who you are?
Harry: You know, I don't know. Do you?
Jess: Of course I do!
Harry claps his hands in delight.
Harry: Excellent, well that's that sorted out.
Harry gets up, goes over to Samuel and starts shaking his hand heartily.
Harry: I knew we’d get there in the end! Well I’d love to say we can stay, but you know what it’s like!
Harry starts walking towards the door. He motions for Jess to get up and they start walking out.
Samuel: Come back!
Harry holds his hand up in a ‘sorry’ fashion and continues walking.
Harry: Sorry, sorry! Maybe we can meet up again next week.
Samuel: COME BACK HERE!
Harry and Jess come to a halt. Harry starts pointing at various parts of the room. Jess looks on in interest.
Harry: This rooms got such a lovely structure, hasn't it? Y’know, it’s influenced by the West Midlothian period, I believe.
Jess: I never realised that you knew so much about architecture.
Harry: No. Neither did I. Oh look! A door.
Jess: Shall we see where it leads?
Harry: (GRINNING) You're learning. You're learning!
Harry opens the door and standing there is the henchman holding a pistol. Harry and Jess turn round to face Samuel.
Harry: Is he yours?
Samuel: Of course he is! Now, sit back down.
Harry and Jess sit back down again. Samuel beckons for his henchman to step outside again.
Harry: Is there any chance of a cup of tea.
Samuel glares at Harry.
Harry: Well it doesn’t matter I suppose. Plenty of time for that later.
Samuel: HA! You should be so lucky. Now, it’s time you started answering a few questions. What exactly were you doing in sector 12?
Harry turns to Jess.
Harry: Were we in sector 12?
Jess: I thought the sign said sector 11.
Harry: Well it was a very badly painted sign. I suppose it could have said sector 12.
Samuel: WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE?!
Harry: Calm down, calm down. I’ll come clean. We’re both part of a project for world domination with the plan code “Project Armageddon”.
Samuel: NO YOU’RE NOT! I’M THE MASTERMIND BEHIND THAT!
Harry: Aha! You’ve just made your first mistake.
Jess: I was told he was a professional.
Harry: I was told he always had a kettle on.
Samuel: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Jess: What are you raising your voice for? There’s no need for that.
Harry turns to Jess.
Harry: Yes, quite right. You are learning quickly aren’t you?!
Samuel steps forward and puts a gun to Harry’s head.
Samuel: Who are you working for?
Harry: Well, he’s got a moustache, but that’s about all I can tell you.
Samuel takes off the safety catch of the gun.
Samuel: WHOOOOOOO?!
Harry: You sure you want to know?
Samuel: YES!
Harry: I can’t tell you.
Samuel: WHO ARE YOU WORKING FORRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Jess: I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you! We’re working for… We’re working for….
Samuel: WHO?!
Jess: Well, Samuel Escobar, THIS is your life!
The ‘This Is Your Life’ theme tune starts up. Samuel starts looking around and then starts trying to smarten his hair up.
Samuel: What, really?!
Harry: No.
The music stops, Jess grabs Samuel’s gun off him and shoots him dead. Harry looks down at the body.
Harry: You failed at the first hurdle of global terrorism. Never, EVER, trust a woman.
© Ben Ricketts 2007
