Guys, I've put the first 10 pages of my sit-com up. Would appreciate any comments you may have.
Thanks, Ross
EXT – Main crossroads in city centre - Day
A Double Decker Bus, breaks screeching, crashes into a car. A male body come’s flying through the front windscreen, bouncing off the car, and rolling onto the pavement.
CUT TO
EXT – Main Crossroads – View from pavement – Day
GREGOR BLACK’S ghost rises from the pavement, leaving its body behind. Gregor was a medium built man, late twenties, short cropped hair spiked up at the front, and a small beer belly beginning to grow. He’s Casually dressed.
Gregor’s ghost, confused, surveys the scene.
BEAT
The BUS DRIVER leaps out, check’s the body, its’ dead.
BEAT
GREGOR:
Hey what the hell happened here? You’ve hit someone
The CAR DRIVER staggers out. The bus driver moves to help.
GREGOR:
Hey what about this one
No one responds. Gregor looks down at the corpse.
GREGOR:
God that’s me! Oh my god
Gregor tries to kick the body but his foot passes through. Panicking, on his knees, his hands can’t touch the corpse.
Kneeling, Gregor feeling of someone standing behind him
He turns slowly to see DEATH, 7 foot tall in a long black hooded cloak and carrying a scythe. Gregor recoils.
DEATH:
Mr Black, welcome to purgatory
GREGOR:
What! Purgatory?
DEATH:
Yes, Purgatory, the place between heaven and hell
GREGOR (CONFUSED):
Why am I not in heaven?
DEATH:
You’re not a good person
GREGOR:
Who say’s?
DEATH:
I SAY AND MY WORD IS LAW
Gregor moves away, frightened
GREGOR:
Well why am I not in Hell?
DEATH:
Is that not a bit bloody obvious? We need to decide which side you favour
GREGOR:
What?
DEATH:
The management of purgatory needs to decide if you’re going to Heaven or Hell
GREGOR:
So how do they decide?
DEATH:
Well they’ll talk to all the people you had dealings with, see what they think of you?
GREGOR:
But there all still alive
DEATH:
Yes, we need to wait until each one dies. It can be quite a time consuming process.
A scream comes from the back of the bus. It’s female
DEATH:
Stay
GREGOR:
What
DEATH:
STAY
Gregor backs off moving through his dead body. Realising what he’s done, he jumps backwards away from the body.
Death moves through the side of the bus to stand next to a dead woman’s body. Hovering over the dead body is the ghost of CAROL BURNS. Early twenties, pretty, short blonde cropped hair and gothic, student style clothing.
CAROL (PANICING):
Who are you? What happened?
DEATH:
I am Death. This is Purgatory
CAROL:
Purgatory?
DEATH:
Yes, Purgatory, the place between heaven and hell
CAROL:
Why am I not in heaven?
DEATH:
God have I not just answered these blooming questions?
CAROL:
What?
DEATH:
Look I’ve had enough. God has infinite patience. Satin has infinite evil, and I get an infinite supply of bloody idiots that can’t work out their dead.
CAROL:
I’m dead!
DEATH:
Of course you’re bloody dead. Look at me. I’m 7 foot tall, hooded cloak, dirty great big scythe. Are there any thoughts in that little skull of your’s?
CAROL:
You could be a heavy metal fan
DEATH:
Touch my arm. What do you feel?
Carol nervously leans forward running her hand across Death’s arm
CAROL (SHOCKED):
Bones
DEATH:
Well I think that covers it. I’m not a heavy metal fan, but do like a bit of Status Quo now and again.
CAROL:
I can’t be dead, I’m only 20
DEATH:
Really, well see that man over there.
Death points to Gregor
DEATH (CONTD):
He distracted the driver, there’s a crash, and you end up here. I see ex-people every day, all age groups. At least at 20 you’ve had a life
CAROL:
Life, I had a life until that idiot decided to end it.
Carol’s ghost storms towards Gregor.
CAROL:
Hi, I’m Carol, the girl you killed
GREGOR:
I didn’t kill you.
CAROL:
You harassed the driver, forced him to make a mistake. You’re a mistake.
GREGOR:
That’s a bit nasty
CAROL:
I lost my life because of you. I’ll never graduate, get married, have kids, or grow old.
GREGOR:
Great, live fast die young.
CAROL:
I was a student. How the hell is that living fast? I got up at eleven, home around three. Then I went to the pub.
GREGOR:
Better than me. I worked from sixteen
DEATH:
Better than me. I have been working since the universe began. I could do with a couple of weeks off.
CAROL:
Shut up Death
DEATH:
What? How dare you speak to me like that. I could push you down the way. Hell’s a-waiting.
CAROL:
Well the day couldn’t get any worse.
BEAT
DEATH:
Come, it’s time to go to your new home
GREGOR:
Where
DEATH:
Purgatory
GREGOR:
I thought this was Purgatory
DEATH:
It is, but you need somewhere to stay awaiting your trial. Follow me.
Death walks to a small metallic shiny black hatchback car.
DEATH:
Please take a seat in the back
Gregor signals for Carol to enter first. She glares at him and climbs in.
GREGOR:
Death, I need to speak to my girlfriend, I need to apologise to her.
DEATH:
It’s too late now.
GREGOR:
Can’t you send her a message? Say I’m ok
DEATH:
No, you’re not ok. You’re dead.
GREGOR:
Well thanks for your help there.
Gregor enters the car. He slips and falls into Carol’s lap
CAROL:
Get to your own side murderer.
Gregor moves away nervously, trying not to look at Carol. A scythe blade slips through the front passenger window just missing Carol
CAROL:
Hey, be careful, you could hurt someone with that thing.
DEATH:
Sorry, should have bought a bigger car
GREGOR:
I thought Death rode a pale horse.
DEATH:
I do, but he’s getting old. I tend to only ride him at weekends.
Death shunts the scythe about, just missing both Gregor and Carol on several occasions before pulling the scythe back out and putting it back in haft first. This leaves the scythe blade sticking out the window.
DEATH (CONTD):
Sorry.
Death climbs into the car
DEATH:
Belt up folks
The car reverses out onto the road
The bus driver stands up having helped the driver of the car. Deaths car reverses, swerves to miss the bus driver but the scythe blade cuts straight though his body pulling the soul out and snapping it. The driver collapses to the ground dead.
The car screeches to a halt.
DEATH:
Oh bugger.
FADE OUT
EXTDINER CARPARKDAY
Death’s car cuts of the main road into the car park of an American style diner with a motel at the back. The car pulls up just outside the entranceway. Death climbs out the car, dragging his scythe out the window.
DEATH:
Right, everyone out
GREGOR:
What?
DEATH:
Out, this is your new home.
CAROL:
This?
DEATH:
Yes, it’s a hotel. You can stay here until your case is finished.
CAROL:
How long will my case take?
DEATH:
Let me check
Death pulls out a palmtop. He pulls out the pointer from the side of the palmtop but his skeletal hands can’t hold it, and it drops to the floor.
DEATH (CONTD):
Bugger, not again. Cost’s me a fortune in pointer thingy’s.
Death uses his skeleton finger to tap the screen a few times
DEATH (CONTD):
Gregor, you will complete the trial in 42 years, 1 month and 3 days.
GREGOR:
What?
DEATH:
I’m assuming you heard me and are just surprised about the length of time it takes
GREGOR:
Err, well yes
DEATH:
I can’t just wade in and take people willy nilly
Carol giggles at Death’s language
DEATH (CONTD):
Stop that girl. Anyway, we need to wait on each person dying. They’ll come to Purgatory before heading to their resting place.
GREGOR:
So I’m stuck in a run down hotel for over 40 years?
DEATH (IMPATIENTLY)
Yes, have I not just said that?
GREGOR:
What’ll we do?
DEATH:
You have TV in your room. 5 channels, but the 5th is a bit of a dodgy picture quality. There’s also a bar, and a small gym.
CAROL:
Oh great, we’ll be busy then. How long have I got to wait?
Death taps his palmtop again
DEATH:
55 years and 3 days
CAROL:
God I’ve some bloody long lived relatives.
Does this mean I’m stuck for decades with my murderer?
GREGOR:
It was an accident, but if I’d met you before this, I’d probably have wanted to kill you.
BEAT
GREGOR (CONTD):
Look Death, I have to get home and talk to my fiancé.
DEATH:
Not possible
GREGOR:
Look I broke her heart. I need to apologise
CAROL:
Fab. Break my body and then you’re girl friends heart. Boy you’re good.
GREGOR:
Look it wasn’t working out, I called her, left a message
CAROL:
Message, heartless bastard!
GREGOR:
Look I have to go back, I need to apologise. I need to look after her. She loved me. She needs me.
CAROL:
She needs a chill out album and a good bottle of merlot.
FADE OUT
