Int. TV Studio
Shaun Frammingham (27) is sat at a presenters desk. A make up lady is just finishing off some last minute touchups. Toby (35), the producer, is off screen behind the camera. The make up lady departs.
Toby: (O.O.V) Ok Shaun?
Shaun: Yes, Toby.
Toby: (O.O.V) Right, cameras rolling. Recording in 5,4,3,2,1 and......
Shaun: Oh this is all so exciting isn't it!
Toby: (O.O.V) Cut!
Toby goes over to Shaun.
Toby: You interrupted the count. You should NEVER interrupt the count.
Shaun: Sorry! Sorry! I'm just a little nervous. This is my first presenting job and whatnot!
Toby: I understand. I understand. We've all been there, but we're a bit rushed today so we need to nail this.
Shaun: Ok, ok!
Toby: So, after I do the count you just look into the camera, say your line and then we cut to Jane in Trafalgar Square.
Shaun: No problems.
Toby goes back behind the camera.
Toby: (O.O.V) Cameras rolling. Recording in 5,4,3,2,1 and......
Shaun: This camera?
Toby: CUT!
Toby goes over to Shaun.
Toby: What's the matter now?
Shaun points in the direction of the camera
Shaun: Is it this camera that you want me to look into?
Toby: Well of course it is. It's the only one in the room.
Shaun: (LAUGHS) Right. Right. I got you!
Toby goes back behind the camera.
Toby: (O.O.V) Cameras rolling. Recording in 5,4,3,2,1 and action!
Shaun starts mouthing his dialogue, but isn’t emitting any sound.
Toby: (O.O.V) CUT!
Toby goes over to Shaun.
Toby: What was that?
Shaun: Well, I, uh, I just looked into the camera and said my line.
Toby: But where was your voice, man?!
Shaun: Couldn’t you hear it?
Toby: No!
Shaun: Oh. Well do you want me to try it a little louder?
Toby: YES!
Toby goes back behind the camera.
Toby: (O.O.V) Cameras rolling. Recording in 5,4,3,2,1 and action!
Shaun: Tonight (DOES A QUIET CHICKEN SQWARK) we bring you a (REPEATS CHICKEN NOISE) report...
Toby: (O.O.V) CUT! CUT! CUT!
Toby comes storming over to Shaun.
Toby: What on earth was that?!
Shaun: Well, I just looked into the camera and started saying my line.
Toby: But what the hell were the chicken noises for?!
Shaun: Didn't you like them?
Toby: NO!
Shaun: Oh. So, let me get this straight. You don't want it to be too quiet and definitely no chicken noises?
Toby: EXACTLY!
Shaun: Right, right!
Toby storms off to behind the camera.
Toby: (O.O.V) Cameras rolling. Recording in 5,4,3,2,1 and action!
Shaun: Ce soir nous vous apportons un rapport dessus juste pourquoi…..
Toby: (O.O.V) CUUUUUUTTTTTTT!!!
Toby comes storming over to Shaun.
Toby: What are you doing now?!
Shaun: I, uh, I was just reading my line. (BEAT) Do you want the chicken noises back?
Toby: NO! Now, why on God’s earth were you speaking in French.
Shaun: Well this is going out on Canal+ isn’t it?
Toby: NOOOOO! It’s going out on primetime BBC1!
Shaun: Of course! Of course! Ok, I think I’ve got it now!
Toby: You better.
Toby storms off behind the camera.
Toby: (O.O.V) Cameras rolling. Recording in 5,4,3,2,1 and action!
Shaun: Tonight we bring you a report on just why male television presenters are such complete arses (MAKES CHICKEN NOISE).
THE END
© Ben Ricketts 2007